Brushontable Passes
It is with deep disinterest that we note the passing of Brushontable, an inveterate idler and incompetent raconteur. Brushontable will long be remembered for his deep love of lint and his incessant muttering of gibberish.
In lieu of a memorial service, Brushontable’s alleged friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, will be downing a few pints at the pub. Brushontable’s family will not be there, as they refuse to acknowledge their relationship to the deceased.
With Brushontable’s passing, his windowless apartment is now available for rent.
In addition, because Shalampax’s population has been reduced by one, an unlucky woman will now be allowed to have a baby to bring the population back up to its quota. The government is actively trying find a woman who is willing to go through the pain and bother of having and raising a baby. Her husband will, of course, be expected to share in the child-rearing duties, but he will, no doubt, shirk that responsibility by feigning a bowling injury.
So far, the government hasn’t had any luck in finding a woman willing to bring Shalampax’s population back up to quota, despite decreeing that the biological father is not required to be the woman’s husband.
