Anthropologists’ Visit
This message is directed at Shalampaxians. All others should immediately surf to another Web site. That means, now!
A team of anthropologists from the University of Lower Pontypool have asked for permission to visit Shalampax. They feel that, from what little they know about it, our culture is somewhat bizarre. Of course, that’s nonsense. It’s staggeringly bizarre.
We followed the standard Shalampax policy concerning responses to such requests from the outside world. First, we pretended that no one was home.
When they refused to give up, we told them about the impossibility of landing a craft on our shores due to the intense weather and rocky coast.
They suggested a helicopter landing, but they abandoned that idea when we sent them a picture that clearly showed that there is no place for a helicopter to land in Shalampax. As an aside, I highly recommend Photoshop. It makes it easy to place phony communications masts on the flat, open areas on our roof.
Not yielding to our none-to-subtle hints, they insisted they would come by ship, wait until the weather cleared and then come ashore in landing craft. Seeing that they could not otherwise be dissuaded, we told them about our law declaring trespassing to be a capital offense.
Apparently, they thought we were joking. The long and the short of it is, the anthropologists are coming as soon as the weather clears sufficiently to dock here without too much risk to life and limb. This likely means that we have several months to prepare for their visit.
All Shalampaxians are reminded to treat our guests with all due respect. All respect due to trespassers, that is.
Some Shalampaxians will likely feel the need to be gracious to these people who will have traveled great distances and risked much to get here. If so, before inviting the anthropologists for dinner, I ask that all Shalampaxians keep in mind the dangers associated with cannibalism. You may recall the widespread disease that occurred the last time foreigners came to call.
If you plan to have the anthropologists for dinner, please consult with Shalampax’s head chef for tips on how to prepare humans in ways that will limit your risk of contracting kuru and other diseases associated with cannibalism.
>>>They feel that, from what little they know about it, our culture is somewhat bizarre. Of course, that’s nonsense. It’s staggeringly bizarre.
Too many peoples of the world fail to enjoy the glory and glamour that belongs to them and their communities but it is great that the fine author of these tales recognizes that Shalampax is a “staggeringly” outstanding community.
I must take note that the peoples of Shalampax do have some unusual names.
Cheers
@David Yes, when we’re not staggering, we’re outstanding. However, the staggering usually has something to do with alcohol and the outstanding is usually not meant in a good way.