Marketing Ingenuity at Church of Rex
The marketing geniuses over at the Church of Rex have done it again. All Shalampaxian cults religions should monitor the results of the Church of Rex’s new “RexAdvantage Loyalty Program” because it has the potential to be a real money spinner.
The Church of Rex has launched a frequent giver program that promises to bring in new converts, keep them loyal to the church and, most importantly, keep parishioner donations flowing at record levels.
Here’s how it works:
Donors receive one RexAdvantage point for every dollar they give to the church. Those points can then be used to buy cherished Church of Rex religious icons, as follows:
| 1,500 points → | 100 grams of droppings from one of Rex’s earthly likenesses; mounted on cardboard. |
| 2,000 points → | 200 grams of droppings; mounted on cardboard. |
| 5,500 points → | 100 grams; mounted on tin. |
| 6,000 points → | 200 grams; mounted on tin. |
| 7,500 points → | 100 grams; mounted on brass. |
| 8,000 points → | 200 grams; mounted on brass. |
| 25,000 points → | 100 grams; mounted on silver-plated aluminum. |
| 25,500 points → | 200 grams; mounted on silver-plated aluminum. |
| 250,000 points → | 100 grams; mounted on gold-plated brass. |
| 250,500 points → | 200 grams; mounted on gold-plated brass. |
These religious icons can be purchased entirely with RexAdvantage points rather than cash. Purchasers will, however, be required to pay what a church official describes as a “reasonable” charge for shipping, handling and administration. This fee starts at $157 and varies depending on the shipping destination.
For the benefit of those Church of Rex devotees who live in places where this offer is prohibited by law, the icons will be sent in nondescript shipping packages bearing the forged logo of a respected toy company.
The Church of Rex has high hopes that its RexAdvantage program will set donations soaring as church members will, no doubt, covet the sacred religious icons.
The only catch is that, because Shalampax has no dogs, the creatures that Rex created in His likeness, the church must import all of the droppings required for the icons. The Church of Rex is currently looking for suppliers, but it doesn’t expect this to be an impediment.
I believe I detect a bit of sarcasm. At least as much as can be detected via a fiber optic cable. Sounds like an eclectic, soothing blend of Entrecard and Scientology. 1500 credits gets you a prayer and half a healing! Amen!
@RedRaider: Sarcasm? Not at all. we take our cults … I mean religions very seriously. For $149.95 I can send you some more literature about them. All funds will, of course, go to the church.