Existing Thought
Toiletoverflowing, one of the few people in Shalampax to have ever read a book, gave a talk on philosophy yesterday. In attendance, in fact, the sole audience member, was Dustball, Shalampax’s official and only statistician.
Considering Toiletoverflowing’s renowned speaking skills, it is not surprising that Dustball slept through most of the lecture. Few are as tedious as Toiletoverflowing and none surpass him when it comes to presenting a monotonous and irksome speech.
Nevertheless, some of Toiletoverflowing’s words did manage to penetrate the veil of sleep and entered Dustball’s subconscious. Toiletoverflowing droned on unheard by man nor beast until he reached the philosophy of René Descartes. The utterance of Descartes’ words “Cogito, ergo sum,” which Toiletoverflowing helpfully translated to the famous ,”I think, therefore I am,” jolted Dustball awake.
“Yes!” thought Dustball. “How could I have not seen the significance of those words until they were uttered by that nincompoop Toiletoverflowing? And how embarrassing it is that it should be Toiletoverflowing who showed me the light!
“Descartes’ view is so fundamental, so pertinent to humanity. It cannot be ignored; not even here in Shalampax.”
Upon accepting this existential marker, thought, as the only true measure of the human reality, Dustball immediately reduced her count of the Shalampax population by 75 percent. In turn, to avoid decimating the political ranks, parliament quickly passed a law eliminating existence as a prerequisite for serving in the government.
