Forcianity Under Development
My bailiwick here at Shalampax Speaks is spirituality. I have the greatest of respect for the companies that market Shalampax’s cults religions to the world, but the secrecy of some of those companies can be frustrating, to say the least.
Religco, the largest cult religion corporation in Shalampax, is particularly rigorous in protecting the trade secrets of any cults religions that it has under development. Nonetheless, I did catch wind of one of its upcoming projects. To say it is thrilling would be a gross understatement.
The spiritual wisdom that this new cult religion will preach is far too great to keep it bottled up pending Religco’s launch of the cult religion. There is no doubt in my mind that, if the cult religion gains widespread acceptance, it will bring lasting, pervasive peace to the world.
Knowing this, I lobbied the CEO of Religco for permission to release what I know. After considerable begging, pleading and nagging, not to mention the granting of hundreds of sexual favors, he finally agreed to allow me to post a few—and only a few—of the details here.
The working title for the cult religion is Forcianity. Forcians, as adherents are expected to be called, will not believe in a god as a conscious, controlling being. Instead, they will believe that there is a force that runs through all living things in the universe. (And possibly inanimate objects as well. That hasn’t been decided yet.)
According to the documents I’ve seen, church officials will preach that the force does not willfully direct our lives or mete out punishments and rewards. Instead, it flows through us, binds us, and gives us strength.
(There is some talk of including a dark side to the force, but I’m trying to convince the product development team at Religco to omit that. The universal peace angle is too great a selling point to allow any infringement of it.)
Think about this. Forcians will not believe in a god that they will be expected to fight and die over. Rather, they will believe in a benign force that unites every living thing throughout the universe. There will no deity commanding us to smite other people; just a universal energy field that unites us in a single commonality.
Among those Shalampaxians who have heard rumblings about Forcianity, a few have protested that it is a blatant rip-off of the force in George Lucas’ Star Wars films. However, others counter even more forcefully, “Yeah, so what’s your point?” Shalampaxians will be Shalampaxians.
The only problem holding up the launch of Forcianity, or whatever it will end up being called, is that Religco hasn’t yet figured out how to generate a sizable revenue stream from it.
There had been some thought given to selling pirated copies of Star Wars to devotees. That idea was abandoned when it was pointed out that another Shalampax company has already saturated the market for pirated Star Wars DVDs.
If you have any ideas for generating revenue from Forcianity, please post them as comments here. We need to get this cult religion rolling. The world will be a better place for it.
As soon as Religco finds an answer to the revenue question expect to see it introduce Forcianity with an extravagant global marketing campaign. As we have come to expect from Religco, it will, no doubt, be a spectacular launch.
I think you need to revise the position on the evil side of the force or there is little hope of revenue. One must rally the faithful to contest the evil thus requiring funds to fuel the conquest.
By the way, who is the CEO of Religco these days?
@David: I’ll pass your suggestion about the dark side on to my contacts at Religco. I should warn you, they love to plagiarize other people’s ideas without compensation. So don’t expect to be paid for your idea even if they use it and it turns out to be very profitable.
The CEO of Religco? I’m not allowed to say. He wears a mask into work and in bed. I know his identity, but he will refuse to be a source in the future if I divulge his identity.