Shalampax Speaks

I am very happy to be able to pass this news along. The government is in the process of procuring robotic vacuum cleaners that will be used in the hallways of Shalampax’s building. We should see these little marvels begin their work within the next few weeks.

The government felt this was a necessary procurement as most Shalampaxian adults have been scraping the tops of their heads on our hallways’ ceilings. And some of the taller among us have developed what might now be a permanent stoop.

No one is certain, but it is expected that the clearance in the hallways will increase by a minimum of one foot, and possibly two feet, once all of the dust is gone.

There will be at least one drawback to this policy decision. Walking in the hallways is expected to be considerably harder on the knees as the dust has been providing natural cushioning for our stone floors. (Exploratory digging through the dust has verified that the floors are, indeed, stone.)

One problem that must be addressed is what to do with the dust. It’s been decided to attempt to use it as landfill to expand the size of our island.

Government officials anticipate that this will not succeed because the dust will almost certainly be washed away as soon as it’s dumped into our nearly constantly turbulent patch of the ocean. However, in the view of the government, once the dust is in the ocean, it’s not our problem. This philosophy works for the rest of our garbage, so there is no reason why it shouldn’t work for our dust as well.

Adhering to the strict government policy of not paying for anything when there is a way to get it free, a government employee has hacked into the computers of the vendor of these robotic vacuum cleaners. The legitimate purchases of people from other countries are being surreptitiously rerouted to Shalampax.

Citizens of Shalampax are reminded that they are responsible for removing the dust in their own apartments. If you want your own robotic vacuum cleaner and would like to get in on the ongoing rerouting of shipments, please contact your member of parliament as soon as possible.