Canadian Web Pharmacies
There are a number of Web sites out there that purport to represent Canadian pharmacies selling low-cost prescription medicines. These sites offer to ship their goods around the world, but their primary market is the United States, where pharmaceuticals are, in most cases, considerably more expensive than in Canada.
It has not been determined whether any Shalampaxians have placed orders through these Web sites. An investigation is ongoing.
This has become an issue because it has come to the attention of the Government of Shalampax that a number of these sites are not legitimate pharmacies. What’s more, many are not even Canadian, eh? Instead, some of the represented enterprises, which might reside anywhere in the world, may send bogus pills-or not send the promised pills at all-to people who are desperate for the medicines they need at a price that won’t bankrupt them.
In short, these so-called companies generate immense profits for themselves by preying on other people’s desperation. In the process, they may risk the life and health of the people who put their trust in these fake pharmacies.
To add insult to injury, there are genuine Canadian pharmacies on the Web that do sell authentic prescription drugs at prices considerably lower than what is available in the United States. These legitimate pharmacies are being tainted by being indistinguishable from the fraud artists. As a result, Americans are not sure who they can trust.
Needless to say, this situation is despicable. Shalampax government officials are meeting at this very moment to attempt to determine how our business leaders could have possibly overlooked this scam. We’re usually the first to work that side of the street.
The heads of our major spam and cult corporations have vowed that they will work diligently to ensure that Shalampax never misses out on similar opportunities in the future.
I’ve been trying to get in on this most interesting scam but breaking into it in way that evades prosecution.
I’m too delicate for a Turkish prision. Nevermind that I have no reason to believe I would ever be incarcerated in Turkey.
@David: Incarceration–in Turkey or anywhere else, for that matter–is something that you should be very concerned about. Few people are as skilled at executing scams and evading arrest as Shalampaxians are. You, however, can learn our skills. Just send me $5,995 in unmarked U.S. currency and I’ll be sure to rush you a course that will teach you all of our techniques.
I know. We should eliminate all these Canadian pharmacies. How dare they to steal business from us Americans. Don’t they know that we Americans love to pay high prices for everything?
@Carl: I agree completely! The only people who should be authorized to steal from Americans should be Americans and, of course, Shalampaxians; particularly Shalampaxians.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the postal code for Shalampax so I will be unable to ship said funds and subscribe to your Shalampaxian Scam Executive Training session.
I would however be interested in buying a lucrative toll bridge on the island of Shalampax assuming that I would be granted permanent amnesty there…er ah permanent asylum…no, that’s not it either…Oh, yeah, permanent resident status – and you could arrange for a lovely villa for me with experienced staff who live-in to cater to my every whim.
@David: You seem like an honest guy, so I’ll make an exception in your case. Instead of sending cash, please leave your complete credit card and banking details in a comment here. I’ll take the course fee and, of course, an “small” administration charge, directly from those sources.
As to amnesty, asylum or permanent resident status … yes, we do sell those things (we’ll sell anything if the price is right), but our price is so high that nobody could afford it. We really don’t like having outsiders on our island.
Oh, and about the villa: You really need to read up about our architecture here. If you choose not to read about it, then I definitely will arrange for a lovely villa. Definitely. After, of course, you forward the appropriate rapacious fee.
I am familiar with the special architecture of Shalampax having previously visited the website of the Republic – I had assumed that you could, for the right price, build a festive villa for me on the roof which would give me a lovely ocean view as well as shield all Shalampaxians from any encounter with me.
I find it odd that you failed to address my request to buy a toll bridge. I expect to replenish my funds from the investment of relocating to your island with the tolls I expect to collect at the bridge.
I may need to consider other locations from which to operate my toll bridge and pharmacutical shipping businesses.
@David: A villa on the roof would be impossible. The architect who designed our building — the only architect in Shalampax — committed suicide shortly after she saw the results of her efforts. Therefore, we have no one to design an addition. Besides, we doubt she designed the building with enough strength so support any additions. In fact, we’re amazed that the building is still standing as it is.
As to your toll bridge proposal, the suggestion was too ludicrous to consider for a couple of reasons. First, there is no “from” and “to” that’s worth connecting in Shalampax and the nearest land to us is far too distant for a bridge to be constructed to it, particularly considering the ever-violent seas surrounding us. Even if a bridge to another land were possible, there’s no nation on earth that would allow itself to be contaminated by a connection to Shalampax.
Second, while we have no formal rules against it, I doubt that we would allow any foreigner who has been allowed on our soil to collect any revenue that could possibly come to native Shalampaxians instead. The reason we don’t have any such formal rules is that no outsider has ever been allowed to move here and it’s unlikely that anyone will ever be allowed to do so. Thus, the question is irrelevant.
I don’t mean to be rude. You are a loyal visitor to our blog and I appreciate that. But you might want to consider beginning your search for other locations for your enterprises. However, do still feel free to send us money.