The Aroma of Rex
I previously told you about the brilliant new RexAdvantage donor loyalty program from the Church of Rex. As you’ll no doubt remember, church members accumulate points for every dollar they donate to the church.
Those points can then be used to purchase religious icons consisting of droppings from God Rex’s corporeal likenesses, dogs. The droppings are mounted on various materials depending on the number of points the parishioner chooses to cash in.
Church officials were confident that RexAdvantage would cause donations to the church to soar. Despite having expectations that many people said were far too optimistic, the results so far have exceeded by more than 200 percent even the most bullish of projections.
The church’s offshore suppliers have been working overtime gathering dog poop. Consequently, there have been no supply problems despite the unexpectedly large demand.
There have, however, been other problems. Rexians have been complaining about the smell emanating from their cherished icons.
Fortunately, the affronted parishioners have complained only to the Church of Rex’s call center. They have not yet made their concerns public. Nonetheless, if something was not done quickly, the stench of the icons would, no doubt, have become widely known. That would likely have somewhat dampened the boost that the RexAdvantage program gave to the church’s revenue stream.
Other people would throw up their hands in despair when faced with such a challenge to their marketing programs, but not the marketers at the Church of Rex. They’ve always seen problems merely as thinly disguised opportunities.
The Church of Rex now has a line of air sanitizers that will counter the fetor of the icons. RexAdvantage Air Sanitizer can be bought using either RexAdvantage points or cash. A 17 fluid ounce (502.75 ml.), non-refillable spray container costs $39.90 or 8,000 RexAdvantage points.
To ensure that Rexians remain pious and buy only RexAdvantage Air Sanitizer rather than a generic brand, the Church of Rex is selling its air sanitizer in containers that have been anointed with water that has passed through the urinary tract of one of Rex’s earthly emissaries.
RexAdvantage Air Sanitizer can also be used to neutralize the odor of the container consecration process. However, this will require that parishioners buy at least two containers so that the air sanitizer from one can be sprayed on the other.
With it’s original RexAdvantage program and this new brand extension, the Church of Rex is well on its way to becoming the most lucrative cult religion in Shalampax.
