Restaurant Hopping
Many diners at Shalampax’s most expensive restaurant, creatively named Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, have complained of finding insects in their salads. The creepy-crawlies have been of a number of different varieties and sizes, both living and dead.
Most of the bugs have been large enough such that a sober, sighted chef could not possibly overlook them. My sources confirm that the chef is sighted, but they refuse to comment on his sobriety.
Rottentomato, owner of Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, assures his patrons that he takes their health very seriously. He points out that bugs are rich in protein, which is sorely lacking in most Shalampaxians’ normal diet of beer and pretzels.
Sympathetic to the complaints, Rottentomato promises that if any of his guests feel they have been shortchanged on the bug allotment in their salads, they should send their salads back immediately. The chef will be happy to add more insects.
As to the possibility that insects may hop away before diners have a chance to eat them, Rottentomato recommends the restaurant’s particularly heavy ranch dressing. It slows the bugs down considerably. Patrons should then have no problem bopping the little critters on the head, rendering them immobile and more easily ingestible.
Diners who select the lighter vinaigrette dressing may need faster reflexes as that dressing is not as viscous as the ranch dressing.
Rottentomato is convinced that this advice should take care of his patrons’ complaints. “What else,” he asks, “might they possibly have to grumble about?”
Shalampaxians are advised that they eat at Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant at their own risk. Neither Rottentomato, nor Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant Corporation assume any liability for deaths or diseases suffered by its patrons.
