Shalampax Speaks

Last week, on one of those exceptionally rare, but exceedingly glorious instances when Shalampax’s otherwise notoriously brutal weather yields to a day during which it is not altogether too dangerous to venture out into the elements, Walnutshell took a walk in Shalampax’s palm patch.

Walnutshell has long had an interest in birds. As a result, on his infrequent walks he always keeps a sharp lookout for his fine feathered friends, his fine feathered enemies, and pretty much anything with feathers apart, of course, from his wife, whose feathers aren’t becoming in the least. He takes a particular thrill in spotting a rare species that has been blown off-course and into Shalampax’s territory by the frequent “breezes,” which in other contexts would be referred to as gales. Walnutshell was not disappointed last week; not in the least.

Walnutshell observed the most unusual bird he had ever seen or heard of hunting insects at the base of a Palm tree. To avoid any confusion, allow me to point out that it was the bird, not Walnutshell, that was hunting insects at the base of the tree. Walnutshell was a tad peckish at the time and he would have relished a succulent insect had one crossed his path, but he wasn’t in the mood to go hunting for one.

The top of the bird’s body was covered with feathers of a brilliant turquoise color. It’s underbelly was a bright, almost fluorescent lime-green. But most extraordinary was its long, sharp beak, which was rainbow-hued.

Because of his intense interest in the subject, Walnutshell has read every book and academic journal on birds that he has been able to steal off the Internet. He was convinced that this species had never been catalogued. A subsequent intensive Internet search proved him correct.

Walnutshell spent the couple of hours he had before the weather turned vicious again studying the bird’s physical and behavioral traits. He is currently writing up his findings for submission to an academic, peer-reviewed ornithology journal. That is to say, the journal will be one that is reviewed by peers of academics, not of Walnutshell, whose peers include most reptiles.

Walnutshell is hesitant to disclose any further details prior to publication out of fear that someone will steal credit for his discovery. However, in the interest of science, he has authorized me to disclose one more tidbit of information that will be of particular interest to ornithologists. Walnutshell reports that, despite being somewhat stringy, the meat of this unique bird is delicious.