Drug Laws
We have a fairly relaxed attitude here in Shalampax. As a result, many of our citizens do not take the time to familiarize themselves with the few laws that we do have.
The government has asked me to remind all Shalampaxians that the use of hallucinogenic drugs is strictly forbidden, except under one or more the following conditions:
- You have a prescription from your doctor or a note from one of your parents. Your mother or father is allowed to grant you an exemption even after you become an adult. Children who have reached the age of 18 are allowed to provide notes granting their parents permission to use hallucinogenic drugs.
- You are feeling down as a result of living in one of Shalampax’s interior, windowless apartments.
- You’ve had to spend more than 15 consecutive minutes in the company of another Shalampaxian and, therefore, just can’t bear life anymore.
- You really, really feel like using them.
- Your name starts with “B”.
- You offer to share your drugs with one or more members of parliament.
The penalty for contravening Shalampax’s drug laws is the confiscation of 50 percent of your stash. The confiscated drugs will be disposed of at a government-sponsored party.
These laws are harsh, but they are for the good of all Shalampaxians and for the enjoyment of the government.
I’m beginning to like this place.
Where can I fill out the immigration form so I can move to the kingdom of Shalampax? Oh wait. My name doesn’t start with a B. I can’t change it first. You don’t mind that, do you?
@Carl: We don’t allow any immigration into Shalampax. However, for $5,995 we’ll be happy to sell you an official-looking immigration form that we’ll tear up should you ever try to approach our island.
@Mike: What’s not to like? Other than, of course, the facts that we’re all crowded onto a tiny island that is subject to nearly incessant torrential rains and gale-force winds, we all live in apartments, many of which have no windows, in a single ugly building, and everything we need has to be imported at great risk to the ships that deliver it and the people who offload those ships. Buy, yeah, other than that, it’s great.
Am I the only one confused here?
@Standtall-The Activist: You’ve obviously never talked to any Shalampaxians before. We’re all confused, all of the time.