Shalampax Speaks

Let’s celebrate! Shalampax has passed a momentous milestone.

With all of the satellite and cable television signals we’ve been able to pirate from around the world and funnel here, mostly over hijacked fiber optic cables, Shalampaxians can now choose from more than 2,000 television channels.

Thanks to the ingenuity of our technicians, all of these channels are available to Shalampaxians at no charge. This includes the hundreds of pay-per-view channels that we’ve hacked.

Unfortunately, even with our 2,000 channels, there’s still nothing worth watching; not that that’s ever stopped anyone in this Paahlm-forsaken country, myself included, from vegetating for days on end in front of the TV.

Enjoy.