Teacher Caught in Sex Scandal
The Shalampax School Board released a terse statement yesterday stating that it had terminated the employment of one of its teachers for having had sex with one of her students. The school board refused to disclose the teacher’s name because of possible legal ramifications and because it did not want the teacher’s voice mail to be overwhelmed with pleading calls from horny men.
The student, whose name was also withheld for privacy reasons, was a 17-year-old, grade-eight pupil. He was one of the youngest in his class of 27 students.
A source at the school board who agreed to speak with me only on the condition of anonymity says there is considerably more to the story than what appeared in the statement.
According to her, the school board originally merely reprimanded the teacher, saying that her dalliance with her pupil was inappropriate, but not worthy of her dismissal. Rumors suggest that the school board decided on a harsher punishment only after receiving numerous vociferous complaints from the boy’s father.
My source said that the rumors about the father’s complaints are true. The father groused that, “I never got sexual favors from my teacher when I was in school. Why should my son be given benefits that were denied to me? It’s not fair!”
The teacher offered to sleep with the father to make it up to him, but he said it was too late for that. His feelings were already hurt beyond repair.
However, my source says that the rumors concerning the reason for the teacher’s dismissal are false. It was not the father’s complaints that changed the minds of the members of the school board. Instead, after careful consideration they realized how unfair the teacher’s behavior was to her student and to his classmates. The teacher should have conducted herself in a manner that did not abuse her position of trust and that did not place her in a situation where she would be unable to view all of her students’ achievements and respond to all of their academic needs in an objective, equitable way.
According to my source, the school board decided that, in order to maintain an environment that embraced fairness and equality, the teacher should either have had sexual relations with all of her students or none of them.
Because the school term is almost over and the teacher shows no inclination to sleep with the six students she hasn’t yet taken to her bed, it was felt that she would not live up to this obligation. Fortunately, the teacher is bisexual. Otherwise, an even higher percentage of her students would likely have been discriminated against.
Under the circumstances, the school board felt that it had no alternative but to fire the teacher.
The egalitarian approach by the school board is admirable…but I fear it is flawed based on my experience.
The teachers in my high school were much more appreciative of us boys who had “more to offer”, shall we say, and gave us very advantageous treatment in the classroom. This applied to the alter boys in the local branch of the Catholic Cult as well. Life just isn’t fair but one must learn to make the best use of one’s assets.
Does she do private tutoring? My phone # is 216-555-1212. Could you please pass it on to her? I am in serious need to be taught, err…, any subject.
@Carl: I’m sorry to hear about your, um, deficiencies. Because we are incredibly lazy, Shalampaxians usually don’t engage in extracurricular activities, but now that she no longer has a full-time teaching gig she might be willing to take on some private tutoring. You do realize, however, that it will have to be telephone tutoring. Shalampaxians leave Shalampax only very rarely and we never allow outsiders to visit us.
@David: That may be the case where you live but, because Shalampaxians are equally inept at everything and not endowed in anything, favoritism on the basis of having “more to offer” is irrational as none of us have anything to offer other than our enormous financial wealth. And when did money ever create opportunities for sex? Oh. Never mind.
Well, I learn something new about Shalampax every day.
Today I learned that every man in Shalampax has identical “male equipment” but it worries me more than just a little the guys all know that about each other.
@David: I don’t remember saying that we have identical male equipment, just that none of us are endowed in anything. That was something of an exaggeration. We’re not totally lacking in male equipment, but it’s nothing to brag about. And equally lacking in endowment does not mean not identical. There are differences in appearance, but they’re all equally unexciting. That having been said, it is true that, apart from male/female differences, there isn’t much diversity in the body-part proportions of the Shalampax population. That probably has something to do with the fact that we never mate with outsiders.
As to how the guys here know about each other, there a couple of reasons for that. First, we’re not as inhibited about nudity as some other cultures so we have more opportunities to see each other’s equipment. And, second, a number of the women here are hyper-promiscuous and they like to talk.
Wow! Imagine what would have happened if the teacher had been male! What a wonderful planet, so full of hypocrisy and doubled standards…
@new illuminati: We don’t have double standards or hypocrisy here. It would have been the same thing if it had been a male teacher. If he had sex with one student, he would have had to have sex with all of his students or he would have been fired. Unless, of course, we weren’t so inclined that day. Our standards aren’t double, they’re random.