Shalampaxian Species Survey
Peeps, I know you’re as anxious to find out about Openfly’s DNA results as I am. It will be nice to finally move this saga forward. Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait a little longer.
Dr. Don tells me that he expects the results in a matter of days. However, he refuses to speculate as to whether that number of days contains one, two or three digits.
Even without the results, we haven’t been sitting on our fannies here in Shalampax. OK, that’s a figure of speech. Practically the only time we’re not sitting on our fannies is when we’re lying down, having sex or having sex while lying down.
What I meant to say is that there have been a number of discussions concerning the issues that will arise if it turns out that Shalampaxians are not Homo sapiens.
Much to my surprise, the Members of Parliament woke up from their naps long enough to read my posts here in Shalampax Speaks. They are now as fully apprised of the situation as you are.
Out of character for Parliament, its members have decided to be proactive and plan a course of action that they will take should the verdict come down that we are not a member of the same human species as the rest of you.
It is generally expected that people’s attitudes about us will change if that turns out to be true. That is to say, their opinions will change from what they would have been if those people were at all aware that we existed. Most of them aren’t.
The problem is, Members of Parliament are totally clueless about public opinion, as they are about most things. To get some answers, Parliament has asked me to post a survey here.
Because, in this instance, we are interested in what only the outside world thinks, if you’re a Shalampaxian, please don’t vote. However, we are extremely interested to learn what the rest of you think.
One word of explanation: Parliament is filled with cheap bastards. They insisted that I use only free software to conduct the survey unless I funded it out of my own pocket. Fat chance of that happening.
Unfortunately, the only software I found that will do the job, and let both you and me see the results, can’t ask more than one question at a time. Therefore, you will have to press the “vote” button after answering each question. If you press “vote” only after answering all questions then the only answer that will be registered is your answer to the last question. Don’t worry, you will stay on the same page each time you press the “vote” button.
If there’s anything you’d like to say that isn’t covered in the survey, feel free to say it in a comment to this post. OK, here’s the survey:
This is our island. We live here. We’ve lived here for as long as anyone can remember, and then some. So, in our minds, we should retain our rights to this island whether we’re Homo sapiens or not. At the same time, we recognize that, because we don’t have weapons, it won’t be our minds that make that decision. What do you think?
Loading ...Because of our extreme xenophobia we don’t expect it to ever happen, but we want to get a sense of whether it would be possible for our species to assimilate should we, in fact, be different species.
Loading ...Living in near obscurity has provided us with a number of legal advantages. Now that we might be in for considerably more attention, we’re anxious to find out how that will affect our legal status.
Loading ...As you probably know, we eat foreigners who venture onto our island. In the past this was referred to as “cannibalism”. However, that word may be inappropriate if we’re not the same species as the species we consume.
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