English Cucumbers
With the obvious exception of coconuts, it is remarkably rare for us to get any fresh fruit or vegetables here in Shalampax. Because everything other than coconuts, which are grown locally, has to be sent here by ship and that ship often has to wait offshore for months until the weather clears long enough to unload its cargo, we have to make do with frozen, dried and canned fruits and vegetables.
Fortunately, the most recent supply ship to visit us had the good sense to stow all of its cargo in the hold and put soil on its deck. It then grew a crop of vegetables on it’s way to Shalampax.
The ship’s captain, who had his crop harvested just before the ship’s cargo was offloaded, sold us his fresh vegetables.
The captain devoted the largest portion of his garden to English cucumbers. Why he chose, in particular, English cucumbers is a mystery because the ships crew calls him “Capitaine La Merde.” I think that might not be his real name, but rather an affectionate nickname given to him by the crew. Nonetheless, it hardly seems English to me.
Surprisingly, despite the large size of the shipment, the Shalampax Grocery Store sold its entire stock of English cucumbers within one day.
I’d like to address my remaining comments to the women of Shalampax. You are, of course, free to use your cucumbers however you please, but you do know, don’t you, that English cucumbers are intended as food, not sex toys?
Many of the men here, myself included, have been complaining because most of the women who bought the English cucumbers would much rather spend time—if you get my drift—with their cucumbers rather than with the men in their lives.
