Spams R Us, Inc. Celebrates
It’s exciting times at Spams R Us, Inc., Shalampax’s leading spam company. The company expects that sometime today it will send out it’s 680 trillionth spam message.
With the world’s population getting close to 6.8 billion people, that means that, over the course of it’s just eight years in existence, Spams R Us will have sent out an average of more than 1,000 spam emails to every man, woman and child on the planet. Clearly, because not everyone in the world has an email address and because a few of the email addresses that do exist have not yet been harvested by Spams R Us, some people have received thousands, if not tens of thousands of Spams R Us’ messages.
Such a prodigious output from just one of Shalampax’s spam companies is nothing short of amazing. And they’ve done it all at no cost by using hijacked computers around the world that have been turned into spambots. Congratulations to the guys and gals at Spams R Us for reaching this monumental milestone!
To celebrate the company’s tremendous spam profits, Bloodynose, CEO of Spams R Us, will be serving milk and cookies to all who attend the party at his apartment. He will be charging a nominal fee for the refreshments. At the party, Bloodynose will also be selling—at low, low, low prices—penis-enlarging and breast-firming creams, lotions and potions.
What’s the secret to writing on spam, and how do you force it through the InterTube or whatever you call it? Do you have to cook it first? I can see where vegans might get pissed at getting all that spam but what about Monty Python fans? You don’t hear John Cleese complaining.
@Doctor Faustroll: I think you misunderstand the term spam in this context. Either that or we do. All I know is that someone misunderstands it.
As to the complaints from vegans and others, we have a quaint, yet exceptionally wise old saying here in Shalampax that goes something to the effect of, “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.”
At last count, I’ve received 987,349 of those spam messages myself.
Such a deal that Bloodynose is selling those items at the reception since it saves all those pesky shipping and handling charges. I really don’t want any strangers handling my penis and breast enlarging devices and potions – especially if I have to pay them to do it.
@David: Oh, so you’re the one. Congratulations! I hear that Bloodynose is planning to offer a special offer to the first person to receive more than one million of his company’s spam messages. If you’re that lucky person you’ll be entitled to buy three bottles of male enhancement potion for the price of two. Good luck!
Talk about saving the shipping and handling charges, I understand that Bloodynose is planning to personally apply the breast firming lotions for any women who buy it at the parties. From the talk I hear in the hallways, I understand that he’s also eager to apply the penis enlargement lotions for male buyers as well.
What time is the party? I’ll be bringing a tray of my infamous spam treats – fried spam on white bread with cheese and mayo finger sandwiches AND grilled spam with pineapple on a toothpick to commemorate the occasion.
@MadMadMargo: As I’m sure is the case with all parties you attend, the party won’t really start until you get there.
I do feel the need to remind you of the danger you are taking by attending the party. Due to Shalampaxians’ extreme xenophobia, outsiders who come to parties in Shalampax tend to end up being, not eating the snacks.
@Snotontable – this must really be a special occasion since I understand that Bloodynose’s specials are usually more along the line of 2 for the price of 3.
@David: You’re right about Bloodynose’s usual “sales.” He must be out of his mind. I’d definitely recommend that you advantage of the offer if you turn out to be the first to cross the Spams R Us million spams mark. I doubt an offer this good will come around again soon.
Hi!
thank you for your spam joke…
kakakakaka…
@lunaticg: You are welcome.