Acai and Caffeine Diet
One of Shalampax’s newest spam companies, ShalamSpamCo Inc., is quickly becoming one of our biggest spam enterprises. After the firm’s highly successful launch of its Home Breast Augmentation Surgery Kit, hBASK, it is getting ready to unleash another blockbuster spam campaign. Billions of emails promoting its new AcaiDietJitters™ weight-loss diet supplement are ready to fly.
According to ShalamSpamCo, AcaiDietJitters is an exciting, radical, revolutionary, world-shattering, novel, new, innovative, ground-breaking, breakthrough weight-loss diet supplement.
As the name implies, AcaiDietJitters contains ingredients derived from all-natural acai berries, which are loaded with antioxidants. How much weight can acai berries help you lose in just one week? Five pounds? Ten pounds? Twenty pounds? More? Who the hell knows? Not me and not ShalamSpamCo, but so what? Acai berries are hot for no apparent reason and that’s all that matters.
There is no end to the lack of reliable clinical studies by respected scientists absolutely proving the weight reduction benefits of acai berries. And there is unquestionably a vast array of suspect anecdotal evidence from people pitching acai berries and acai berry-derived products. That’s good enough for ShalamSpamCo, so it should be good enough for you and me.
There are some massive, hulking, gargantuan, blimps pretending to be people out there. Will acai berry extract be enough to make a noticeable weight-loss difference for these beached blue whales with feet?
Maybe not. That’s why ShalamSpamCo has also loaded AcaiDietJitters with a mega-dose of caffeine. In this one pill, in addition to all of that healthful acai berry extract, you’ll also get the caffeine equivalent of 142 triple espressos. That’s the jitters part.
With all of that caffeine, you’ll be exceedingly edgy. As a result, you’ll be shaking and climbing the walls all day and all night, without getting a moment’s sleep. You won’t be able to avoid exercising off your excess fat naturally.
Acai berries and caffeine … you’ll be slimming away to nothing in no time. And the best of all, you can get all of this acai berry and caffeine goodness for just $6.99 per daily dose. Or take advantage of a low, low, low, inexpensive, cheap, bargain price by buying an economical 30-day supply for just $209.70. (Shipping and handling extra.)
So keep an eye out for the hundreds of spam emails that will be rocketing your way from ShalamSpamCo over the next few weeks. When they arrive, act quickly to prevent your inbox from reaching its capacity, thereby blocking any important emails that may arrive later. And be sure to order a large supply of the acai berry and caffeine-loaded AcaiDietJitters right away because supplies are unlimited.
Let’s all wish ShalamSpamCo the best of luck in its quest to become the largest Shalampax spam company and owner of the world, if not the universe.
This is product is reminiscent of those items from the 80′s where one would put an electrode on each side of their bulbous belly and the periodic shocks would make the muscles contract thus exercising the abs while the person was relaxing,watching TV and eating a bag of yummy potato chips.
The Acai-Caffeine concoction is a very Green alternative since one saves all that electricity by simply having the person jittering and jerking around with the all-natural caffeine stimulant. In fact, if the weight-loss candidate happened to be on a tread mill or stationary bike that is hooked up to an electric generator, they could be producing even more carbon-free Green energy for the national electrical grid.
If those Swedes are on the ball, ShalamSpamCo will be a shoo-in for a Nobel Prize for this amazing product that reduces the literal footprint on the earth from the 3-400 pounders as well as their more ethereal carbon footprint.
I would be delighted to invest in this venture…well, that is if I didn’t know that the Shalampaxian inclinations would promptly lead to a way to swindle me out of my investment.
@David: I agree we are totally deserving of the Nobel Prize. Money comes with that, right? Otherwise none of us care.
I’m totally shocked that you think that we would swindle you. Shocked! And appalled! Rest assured, send us $1 million in unmarked bills and you’re in.