Exposedcleavage Writes a Book
There was a spot of amazement melded with bewilderment in the Shalampax pub today.
At about three in the afternoon, as she ordered another gin and tonic, Exposedcleavage announced in a loud, clear voice that was surprisingly sober for a Shalampaxian, “I am writing a book.”
Exposedcleavage liked to dress to fit her name and today was no exception. You could describe her as a voluptuous, beautiful, buxom blond if you didn’t mind getting your face slapped hard as payback for your excessively impudent sarcasm.
In truth, all kidding aside, Exposedcleavage is, as they say, quite easy on the eye. That is to say, she is easy on a Shalampaxian male’s eye. Then again, Shalampaxian male eyes aren’t terribly discerning. “Easy on the eye” in Shalampaxian terms roughly translates into “induces only intermittent vomiting” in the lexicon of most males from outside of Shalampax.
But physical beauty is superficial and transitory. So, never mind.
What amazed and bewildered the other patrons of the pub when Exposedcleavage declared that she was “writing a book” was that no one realized that she was the least bit literate, which would make her an average Shalampaxian.
The mystery was solved when Exposedcleavage’s drinking buddy looked over at the coaster that Exposedcleavage had pulled out from under her glass. With a pencil firmly in hand as she did not have the confidence to use a pen and ink, Exposedcleavage had managed to write “a boo” on the coaster. In the next instant, she scratched a single “k” to fulfill her aspiration.
Many drinks were swilled in celebration of her unexpected feat.
And what a set of bookends she’s got!
@Doctor Faustroll: Oh, so you know her. I’ve always found her to be something of an open book.
For some reason I have this mental image of a spastic, drooling, cross eyed girl trying to figure out which end of the pencil to use. She reminds me of my mom.
@RedRaider: Are you sure your mom is not a Shalampaxian? That would put her at the head of the class here.
Exposedcleavage’s straight forward simplicity in the creative process is refreshing.
I wonder when she will write down her thoughts on A Title?
Perhaps if she is collaborating with an editor or publisher, she might consider: ‘Notes on a Coaster’ or ‘Inspired at the Bar’.
@David:She’s struggling with A Title. I think that “a” and “o” are the only vowels she knows how to write. The “i” has her stumped. Considering how simple-minded she is, it’s ironic that the most simple to write vowel is the one to trip her up.