National Military Day
At 3:00 p.m. today, in celebration of Shalampax’s National Military Day, all soldiers in the Shalampax army will ceremonially march in full dress uniform along the third floor’s north hallway. Guns will not be carried as the army doesn’t own any.
The parade will end in the third-floor pub. There, Emptybeerbottle, the only soldier in the Shalampaxian army, will attempt to recruit someone to replace her so she can, in her words, “finally get the hell out of this fucking, joke of an army.”
I can only hope that, with all her newfound free time, Sarah Palin will be there to give one of her famous speeches to show her undying appreciation for the military. She tries so hard to speak of the military in every speech so a chance to do so in the proper context of the day will seem heavenly to her I’m sure.
You can see Russia from your front porch, can’t you? No? Well, a Russian whaling ship will do just fine for Sarah’s backdrop during the speech.
And if she gets there – ya’ll Shalampaxians must fulfill your commitment to cook and eat all visitors (but don’t tell her before she arrives). Promise??
@David: As tasty as she no doubt is, eating her would leave us with out a soldier again. However, there is nothing in Shalampaxian law that says our soldier has to be a Shalampaxian or resident in Shalampax. Being too small to appear on any military maps, it’s not as if we’re ever likely to be attacked. So we might be able to work something out with her as long as she doesn’t expect to be paid much.
We would be honored to welcome her into the Shalampaxian military, thereby making her, in all practical terms, ineligible for any political post in the United States. It’s the least we can do for our American friends.