Shalampaxians are notorious for quickly tiring of their marriages. This is a threat to our family values, such as they are.
Because Members of Parliament finished their naps early and they had nothing better to do, felt they should try to solve this problem. Parliament has the makings of a plan, although it likely needs some refinement—the plan, not parliament, but that too.
The following is a rough sketch of what they are proposing:
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Always vitally interested in giving the appearance of serving the people, the Government of Shalampax recently commissioned a survey to gauge the approval rating of Manexposinghimself, prime minister of Shalampax. The results were released this morning.
When asked, “Do you approve of the way Manexposinghimself is governing Shalampax?” 100 percent of the respondents answered, “I neither know nor care.” All of the survey respondents were uninterested and unwilling to answer any further questions.
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Today is National Hula Hoop Victims Memorial Day here in Shalampax. On this day, we pause to remember all of those poor souls who met a tragic end while playing with hula hoops.
There have been no cases of hula hoop deaths in Shalampax, nor are we aware of any specific cases anywhere in the world. However, people have been using hoops for exercise for millennia. And hula hoops as we know them today have been around since the 1950s.
We are not absolutely certain, but it seems almost inevitable that, in all of that time, there must have been some people who died after hula hooping, for example, too close to the edge of a high cliff, on the roof of a skyscraper, or in front of a functioning airplane propeller or jet engine.
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Considering that she recently gave birth to triplets, you won’t be surprised to learn that Tuboflard is lactating. Boy, is she lactating!
The volume of milk that this gal is producing would make any major dairy herder happy. We don’t have any dairy herders in Shalampax, which is not surprising as there aren’t any animals other than us Shalampaxians here, but if we did, they would be eyeing Tuboflard with exceedingly lewd and materialistic looks.
Tuboflard’s milk production is, for some reason, proportional to the size of her breasts. It’s not that her breasts are particularly large in relation to the rest of her body, but if you’re a regular reader you’ll know that the rest of her body knows no bounds. Or if it knows any bounds, it’s not adhering to them. Which is to say that, relative to other women, Tuboflard’s breasts are massive.
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There was a spot of amazement melded with bewilderment in the Shalampax pub today.
At about three in the afternoon, as she ordered another gin and tonic, Exposedcleavage announced in a loud, clear voice that was surprisingly sober for a Shalampaxian, “I am writing a book.”
Exposedcleavage liked to dress to fit her name and today was no exception. You could describe her as a voluptuous, beautiful, buxom blond if you didn’t mind getting your face slapped hard as payback for your excessively impudent sarcasm.
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I haven’t asked this for a while, but is anyone the hell out there?
To say that ours is not the most commented upon blog in the world would be a gross understatement. I’m beginning to think that all of our readers are mimes. Or we don’t have any readers. Probably the latter.
There’ve been a few recent posts here in Shalampax Speaks that haven’t received any comments. That’s depressing even for a Shalampaxian; and we don’t normally give a damn about anything.
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