Shalampax Speaks

After five years, four months and 23 days, the Parliamentary Commission on Manufacturing in Shalampax (PCoMiS) has finally issued its report on the state of the manufacturing industry in Shalampax.

The five members of the PCoMiS were each paid $4,000 per day, plus expenses, for each day they worked one hour or more. All five members worked one hour a day, 365 days a year for the full duration of the project. (They took February 29 off in the one leap year during their tenure.) Expenses averaged $10,000 per day per member.

The full text of the report follows:

There is no manufacturing in Shalampax.

The one dissenting member of the distinguished panel added the following addendum:

And there never will be.

At more than $27.5 million (US), this is the six-most expensive report ever commissioned in Shalampax. At more than $2.5 million (US) per word, including addendum, it ranks as the third-most expensive commissioned report per word.

The most expensive commission in Shalampax’s history—both in absolute terms and on a cost per report-word basis—was the Parliamentary Commission to Study Why Parliamentary Commissions Cost So Much (PCtSWPCCSM). It ended up costing $176.8 million. The single report issued by the PCtSWPCCSM said simply, “Because they do,” resulting in a cost per word of more than $58.9 million.

The government is now considering setting up a parliamentary commission to study the biotech industry in Shalampax. So far, it has received approximately 3,700 applications from people interested in serving on the panel. There would have been 4,242 applications, the total population of Shalampax, but the government insists that commissioners must be at least 13 years of age.