Peace Treaties
In the interest of fostering peace and harmony around the globe, Shalampax’s Prime Minister, Manexposinghimself, today made a magnanimous offer to all of the nations of the world. Effective immediately, Shalampax stands ready to sign a comprehensive peace treaty with any country willing to pay Shalampax exceptionally large war reparations.
Other world leaders may complain, “We’ve never been at war with Shalampax—hell, we never even knew it existed—so why the hell should we pay it war reparations?”
Manexposinghimself has anticipated this objection and counters it by assuring other world leaders that the reparations Shalampax expects amount to significantly less than the cost of most wars. Thus, other countries will save money by signing a peace treaty with Shalampax and paying the agreed upon restitution rather than declaring war on us.
But wait; there’s more! For an additional $5 billion and fully paid, lifetime subscriptions to some really hot porn magazines for all of our citizens—there are only 4,242 of us, so the cost won’t be too high—Shalampax will promise to not enrich uranium to weapons grade. (This promise may be revoked at any time without any notice and without returning the $5 billion or the magazines.)
