Shalampax’s Most Exclusive Restaurant
Rottentomato’s restaurant, Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, has always been appropriately named—until now. But it looks like he is going to have to either change the name or live with a lie. Considering how comfortable Shalampaxians, and Rottentomato in particular, are with deceit, I think I know which one he will choose.
Rottentomato has lost his “most costly” crown to Barfontable and Shitonfloor, a husband and wife team who have opened Shalampax’s Most Exclusive Restaurant, which is both the name of their restaurant and an accurate description.
Barfontable and Shitonfloor are unlikely to ever loose their “most exclusive” title. The best anyone attempting to capture the exclusivity honor from them could do would be to tie.
You see, Shalampax’s Most Exclusive Restaurant is in Barfontable and Shitonfloor’s tiny studio apartment. It has just one table—the couple’s dining room table—which is big enough to seat only two people.
The reason why Barfontable and Shitonfloor have to charge higher prices than Rottentomato is clear. They can’t possibly achieve the same economies of scale as Rottentomato. He has 20 tables in his restaurant, but he has no more staff than Barfontable and Shitonfloor have.
The menu at Shalampax’s Most Exclusive Restaurant, which can be described only as eclectic, changes every day.
You can be certain that the dinner you will have at Shalampax’s Most Exclusive Restaurant will be sumptuous because Barfontable and Shitonfloor depend on the restaurant’s leftovers for their own meals. (Warning: If you’re the last patrons of the evening and the earlier guests cleaned their plates, you’ll likely find that your plate will be taken away before you finish eating. Thus, it’s a good idea to try to snag one of the earlier sittings.)
Attracting patrons to a new restaurant is never easy. As an opening special that is available for an unlimited time, any patron who orders and pays for a four-course meal can have sex with either Barfontable or Shitonfloor after the meal, at no additional charge. (The choice of which one is yours.) If you order and pay for a five-course dinner you can have sex with both of them simultaneously, again at no additional charge, assuming you can work out the mechanics of that activity.
Is the food any good? Do you need to bring your own sanitary wipes and condoms?
@Doctor Faustroll: Re the food quality, I haven’t eaten there so I can’t speak from personal experience. Nonetheless, Barfontable and Shitonfloor are known to be lovers of good food and, as I said, they are going to rely on the leftovers for their own meals. So I think you can count on the food being good.
As to bringing your own sanitary wipes and condoms, they will provide paper napkins. You can bring your own condoms, or they will supply them at cost plus 25 percent.
Regarding Shitonfloor’s name, was the namesake the effluent of a human or a non-human? I have no clue why I would want to know that.
I so much wish I could get a reso at the most exclusive restaurant…well, I guess I could get a reservation but my problem would be getting there without being dinner myself.
@David: There is no record of what Shitonfloor’s parents saw that caused them to assign that name to her. And her parents never told her. And she never asked.
Yes, the problem of possibly being dinner is a problem for outsiders. Barfontable and Shitonfloor are always on the lookout for new dishes to add to their menu.
Definitely sounds like an interesting night out at either restaurant.
BTW – there’s an award for you on my blog
@Becki: You can bet on that. You’d likely lose, but there’s nobody stopping you. Thanks for the award.