Half a Glass
Many people categorize themselves and others as either glass-half-full or glass-half-empty sort of people. As a rule, Shalampaxians don’t think that way.
Our perspective on the glass-half-full or glass-half-empty attitude is, “Who the hell cares about that preposterous, pretentious bullshit. Shut up, leave me alone and let me finish my drink in peace.
“After that, if you want to buy me another round—preferably a full glass, so we don’t have to waste any time dwelling on whether it’s half full or half empty—I’ll certainly accept it.
“Then, maybe—just maybe, mind you—I’ll surrender to your insufferable need to chat about tedious inanities, but only if I’m sufficiently drunk to put up with a halfwit like you who is an even bigger idiot than I am.”
The whole argument is moot if you switch to an IV drip and drink grain straight from the bottle.
@Doctor Faustroll: Good point. That does eliminate all of that inane conversation that gets in the way of one’s drinking, doesn’t it?
I’ll take the IV drip..
@megamanthemadman: It sounds as though we could get a good thing going by setting up a monthly subscription for IV drips.
I’ll drink to that! From a very full glass, thank you very much.
@David: Who wouldn’t?
Is it possible to be a Shalampaxian and not know it? Because I hate that whole half-glass full/empty thing. Have a drink on me.
@MikeWJ at TooManyMornings: It’s technically possible for you to be a Shalampaxian unwittingly, but highly unlikely. Shalampaxians rarely leave the island because of the many international arrest warrants out against most of us. And we’re exceptionally xenophobic, so we usually eat the few foreigners who manage to come here.
I like my foreigners well-done with a side of stewed okra.
@Doctor Faustroll: An excellent choice.