Green Spam
Bloodynose, CEO of Spams R Us, Shalampax’s leading spam company recently saw an article on the Web suggesting that, all other things being equal, many consumers favor companies that have well-founded green credentials. Upon seeing this, Bloodynose decided that most of his future spam mailings will include strong messages about the very green lifestyle that he lives.
Needless to say, I was skeptical. To the best of my knowledge, Bloodynose has never shown the slightest inclination toward environmentalism.
Bloodynose is no stranger to outright lying when it serves his purpose—in fact, it’s his best and most trusted friend—but he seems genuinely honest this time. However, I also know that he is an expert at looking genuinely honest when he is actually being as deceitful as can be, a talent that he finds very helpful when he’s trying to sell anything. So I challenged him to assuage my doubts about his greenness.
“Would I lie to the hundreds of millions of people who eagerly await the valuable spam that I and my employees send out several times a day?” Bloodynose asked in reply. “Of course not.”
He went on to explain that, “I constantly suffer from severe depression, i.e., I always have the blues, big time. Not only that, but I am simultaneously also one of the world’s great cowards, i.e. I am very yellow. And what do you get when you mix blue and yellow? You get green, that’s what. Ergo, I’m one of the most green people on the planet. Case closed.”
Way to go, Bloodynose. It’s nice to see that you haven’t lost your amazing knack for honest deception. Good luck with that.
truly a work of art.. the blue and yellow part is great..Very original..
With Bernie Madoff in prision for the next 150 years, I think there is a place on Wall Street for Bloodynose…well, if it weren’t for those pesky interpol arrest warrents.
@megamanthemadman: It’s not really terribly original. That’s just the way Bloodynose’s mind works. He can’t help but come up with stuff like that. I think he sometimes even convinces himself of the legitimacy of his reasoning.
@David: Yes, Bloodynose could clean up on Wall Street (although certainly not clean up Wall Street), but there are those arrest warrants you mentioned. I doubt Bloodynose will want to venture outside of Shalampax any time soon.