Mystery Room
There is a room on the fourth floor of our building, room 4242, to be precise, that no one had entered since the building was built. That is, no one had entered it until recently.
Before you ask, let me assure you that the fact that the number of the room is the same as Shalampax’s population quota is absolutely, positively, without a doubt a total coincidence. At least, I think it is.
If you weren’t going to ask about the coincidence of 4242 then never mind. It’s not relevant.
Decayingdeadbird, the architect of our building, never told anyone the purpose of room 4242. And no one ever bothered to ask. We all simply assumed that it was a mechanical room.
Everyone has been afraid to enter the room. We were afraid that, if it was indeed a mechanical room, something may need fixing and the person who discovered the problem would be the person expected to fix it.
We all knew that these were merely assumptions that could easily be wrong. Curiosity finally got the better of Manexposinghimself, our Prime Minister. Consequently, he recently ordered that the room be opened and investigated.
Of course, he made sure that he wasn’t the first person to enter the room. If the assumptions were correct and something needed fixing, he wanted to make sure that no one would expect him to fix it.
Prying the door open took some doing as the hinges had seized up from decades of disuse.
Once inside, government workers slowly and reluctantly began the job of digging out the accumulated dust. When that job was completed a couple of weeks later the room was found to contain six treadmills, five stepping machines, three rowing machines and an extensive set of free-weights.
Apparently, Decayingdeadbird had intended that room 4242 be used as a gym. Who knew? Better yet, who cares?
On discovering the intended purpose of the room, a great debate ensued to try to decide what to do with the room henceforth.
Someone suggested that it be left as a gym for use by any Shalampaxian who wanted to exercise. About a half-hour later, when the uproarious laughing finally died down, a number of other suggestions were put forward.
There is no consensus yet, but the thinking seems to be congealing around Manexposinghimself’s idea of throwing the exercise equipment into the ocean and replacing it with comfy couches, large-screen televisions, and a few beer fridges.
The committee looking into this question is still open to suggestions from readers of Shalampax Speaks as to what the room should be used for. If you have any ideas, please leave them as comments here. Thanks.
I seem to recall that there are already places to lounge and watch TV while enjoying adult beverages. What I don’t recall is a stripper lounge being within the bounds of Shalampax. With the installation of two stripper poles (one for a female- and one for a male-stripper), there should be something to appeal to everyone.
Whether or not you give my suggestion great weight, I must encourage the people of Shalampax and their government to avoid polluting the ocean with the surplus exercise equipment – Go Green.
@David: In theory, the stripper bar is an excellent idea! Who doesn’t love stripper bars? There’s only one problem. The talent pool for strippers is limited to only Shalampaxians. Who wants to see Shalampaxians strip? Certainly not another Shalampaxian. We’re not the most physically attractive of people.
Regarding your plea for environmentalism. Have no fear. We are with you 100 percent on that. Don’t worry; we’ll contract one of our supply ships to cart away the exercise equipment on its return voyage and dump it in the ocean far enough away from Shalampax that it won’t pollute our shores. As to other nations, that’s their problem.
How about making it into a Museum for Failed Policies of the Past?
@Doctor Faustroll: The room is nowhere near large enough to do that justice.