Have Your Cake
Yesterday evening, Toiletoverflowing held another of his passionately ignored philosophy lectures. In his most recent talk, he conclusively refuted the widespread, very non-Shalampaxian saying, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
Toiletoverflowing’s take on the subject was unique and very innovative. Or, at least, I should say that I can’t recall ever hearing anyone say the same thing, but, then again, I don’t pay much attention to anyone.
Toiletoverflowing argued that the way to have one’s cake and eat it too is to assume a different meaning of the word “have” than is normally implied by the adage, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
Instead, he suggested, we should use the slang meaning of “have,” i.e., “engage in sexual intercourse with,” as in, “I’m going to have that voluptuous, starlet over and over again in every position imaginable.”
Sorry, my imagination got away from me, but you get the point.
According to Toiletoverflowing, with that definition in place, it’s simply a matter of baking an appropriate cake. The trick is not the shape. Either bore a hole in the cake or add a protrusion on top of it, as appropriate for your gender and sexual orientation.
The hard part, if you’ll pardon the pun, is picking a dough and baking method that will produce the right consistency of cake. It has to be firm enough to hold together while you have your way with it, but it must still be chewable when you want to eat it.
Once you have that figured out, you can easily eat the cake you have already had, as long as you don’t mind consuming your own bodily fluids with your cake. Thus, Toiletoverflowing argued, it is eminently possible to both have and eat your cake.
I’m just glad he didn’t get into the alternative meaning of “eat.” The combinations and permutations of having and eating your cake would have resulted in the lecture dragging on far longer than I could have stood. Although, I would have enjoyed the addition to the prurient aspects of the talk.
Toiletoverflowing promises to prepare another philosophy lecture as soon as the doctors finish their psychiatric evaluation of him. Unfortunately, that can’t be done until the Shalampax Medical Clinic finds a psychiatrist that Toiletoverflowing won’t eat before the evaluation is complete.
The “take me, use me, have your lustful way with me” approach is insightful and provocative. Although, it strikes me that once the cake has been eaten, one no longer has it. I will concede that this seems a circular argument.
Nonetheless, I just can’t envision eating said cake after the “having” has happened. Not that I am opposed to incorporating food items into one’s sex life, eating it afterwards strikes me as distasteful.
@David: Clearly, your mind is not as sick as Toiletoverflowing’s mind is. Don’t be discouraged. Toiletoverflowing toiled for many years in a very dedicated effort to become that depraved, so there’s still hope for you. Keep at it.