First Aid Training Errors
Bandagedskull, Shalampax’s leading first-aid expert, has asked me to pass some information along to the Shalampax League of Women. Yesterday evening, Bandagedskull taught a first-aid course to some members of the League. This morning, while undertaking research on the Internet to further his skills, Bandagedskull found that he had made a few errors during the hands-on training part of the session.
First of all, Bandagedskull has learned that, despite his earlier belief and what he demonstrated during the session, it is not necessary to engage tongues when performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Also, when someone is having trouble breathing you should loosen any constrictive clothing that the victim might be wearing. However, unlike what was practiced last night, it is not necessary to remove all of the victim’s clothing. Nor is it necessary for the person administering first aid to remove his or her own clothing.
Finally, when performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), the practitioner should compress the victim’s chest with rhythmic pressing motions. Contrary to what Bandagedskull demonstrated last night, it is not sufficient to merely massage the victim’s chest.
Bandagedskull regrets his errors and has offered to teach another course, at no additional charge, to the same women. At this free class he will, in another hands-on session, clearly demonstrate to the women present how the correct techniques differ from the techniques he taught last night.
As a member in good standing of the Shalampax League or Women, I found nothing wrong with Bangedskull’s techniques – infact, he’s giving me a private lesson later this evening.
@MadMadMargo: Damn! Some guys have all the luck. I knew I should have learned first aid.
I can certainly see how this first aid expert got his name…Hmmphhh!
I understand that CPR no longer requires any oral-to-oral interaction so I guess I can drop my philosophical objections on the grounds of germ sharing and such.
However I suppose Bandagedskull got most of his technical material from watching the life guards on Baywatch when determining that the removal of all clothing was an appropriate technique. It would be quite understandable.
@Roschelle: Actually, you’d be wrong about that. Here in Shalampax, parents name their children after the first “interesting” thing they see after their child’s birth. (“Interesting” is in quotes because many people here have weird ideas as to what is interesting.) That having been said, some people here have an unexplained tendency to grow into their names.
@David: I think that the CPR and mouth-to-mouth demonstrations were independent. Mouth-to-mouth was promoted as being appropriate under different conditions than CPR.
I am reasonably certain that Bandagedskull did not get his material from Baywatch. Porn films, maybe, but not Baywatch.