Record Intact
Hey peeps, this was almost very embarrassing.
I’ve been catching up on my napping for the last several days. In fact, I had to ask a neighbor what day it was because I thought, correctly, that I might have slept through a couple of days. How my bladder was able to hold up is a mystery that will likely never be solved. (Yes, I checked. My sheets and mattress are dry.)
All of that is irrelevant. The embarrassing part is that when I called into the Shalampax Speaks office I was told that my name was on the docket to provide today’s post.
Up until today, Shalampax Speaks has had a brand new post up here every single day for 181 consecutive days. Think about that. 181 consecutive days without missing a post.
That might not be a record, but are there any bloggers out there who are as notoriously lazy as us Shalampaxians and yet can still lay claim to that achievement? And a better question is, why would slacker bloggers want to spend so much time writing their goddamn stupid blogs anyway? But, never mind that.
How could I live it down if I were the one to break our streak? I would have been mortified. Mortification is an almost unheard of emotion among us Shalampaxians, so that tells you a bit about how serious the situation was.
Of course, writing Shalampax Speaks is a team effort. The six authors here share the writing load so that none of us burns out. But that teamwork would have made it all that much more humiliating.
If I didn’t fulfill my duty as a journalist, I wouldn’t be letting just myself down—I don’t give a damn about that. I’d be letting the whole team down. I don’t give a damn about that either, but most of the other team members are bigger and stronger than I am. The prospect of them having to pick up my duties would undoubtedly lead them to put their superior force to rather unpleasant use against me.
Then again, Snotontable, our business writer, is one of those team members who is bigger and stronger than I am, yet I have erotic fantasies about her tussling with me. But, never mind about that.
However, history suggests that I wasn’t going to get it on with Snotontable no matter what I did—I think it has something to do with my gaseous emmissions—so the question was still out there: What could I possibly put in this space today? Having been asleep for most of the past few days, I haven’t exactly had my finger on the pulse of Shalampax lately.
I’m not ashamed to tell you that I panicked when I realized that I had nothing to write about. A shutter rocked me right down to the core of my being, wherever the hell that is. But now that today’s post is taken care of I can go back to sleep.
I’m surprised to learn that “mortified” is even in the Shalampax dialect – who knew that Shalapaxians could ever have use for such a word.
@David: Yeah, I know. Some idiot here–I don’t know who–stumbled on the word on some Web site. Obviously, the word must have been either used in a context that made its meaning obvious or the Web site must have explicitly provided the definition because none of us would ever have bothered to look the word up. We’re far too lazy for that. Whatever the case. “mortified” entered our vocabulary, although it remains little-used.
Don’t be embarrassed, Stoneupnose, every blogger is entitled to a day off here and there. Look at me, I was away for 2 months after posting every day for over 6 months, I managed to survive. Trust me, your followers understand, but we expect a rip-roarin’ post next time. (*wink*)
@MadMadMargo: Yes, but the difference is that people eagerly await your posts and, therefore, are willing to wait for you. Us? Not so much, I think.