Bandagedskull, Shalampax’s leading first-aid expert, has asked me to pass some information along to the Shalampax League of Women. Yesterday evening, Bandagedskull taught a first-aid course to some members of the League. This morning, while undertaking research on the Internet to further his skills, Bandagedskull found that he had made a few errors during the hands-on training part of the session.
First of all, Bandagedskull has learned that, despite his earlier belief and what he demonstrated during the session, it is not necessary to engage tongues when performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
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Sign of our Lords
Religco, Shalampax’s largest cult religion company, recently launched the ultimate cult religion. Take my word for it, this one is going to blow away all other religions. No doubt about it.
Not to steal too much of the thunder from Religco’s marketing campaign, I’ll just say that this new cult religion, Infinitiaty, doesn’t believe in one god, two gods or even a small number of gods. It believes in an infinite number of Gods.
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Categories: Sprituality Tags: cult, God, gods, Lord, lords, monotheism, monotheistic, polytheism, polytheistic, religion, worship
As many of you may know, Shalampax has no taxes per se. Instead, the government satisfies itself with the funds that it can scrounge by picking citizens’ pockets.
This has always been more than adequate to meet the government’s needs and to richly line our politicians’ pockets. Nonetheless, it does not provide sufficient funds for the government to undertake any grand projects.
Lately, this has deeply bothered Manexposinghimself, our prime minister. He would like to see Shalampax embark on a mission that will make the world stand up and take notice.
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Spiderintree has started an enterprise that has as its sole purpose the construction, in thousands of locations around the world, of mammoth, high-quality bronze statues honoring his hero, Charles Ponzi (1882 – 1949).
It is Charles Ponzi’s brilliant business acumen that is responsible for the term “Ponzi Scheme.” If it weren’t for Ponzi, we would have to call successful businesses like the ones he ran “businesses that diligently employ fraud to generate large investment returns for their owners, and possibly for some other early investors, by using the first investments to perpetuate the false appearance of reliable earnings and, thereby, delude later investors into thinking that it is, therefore, a worthy investment.” That would have been a mouthful, so Charles Ponzi deserves to be honored for lending his name to these sorts of schemes.
Spiderintree recognizes that his ambitious endeavor to pay tribute to the man who has been the role model for his business life will be expensive. Consequently, he has opened his Ponzi Monument Enterprise to outside investors.
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Yesterday evening, Toiletoverflowing held another of his passionately ignored philosophy lectures. In his most recent talk, he conclusively refuted the widespread, very non-Shalampaxian saying, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
Toiletoverflowing’s take on the subject was unique and very innovative. Or, at least, I should say that I can’t recall ever hearing anyone say the same thing, but, then again, I don’t pay much attention to anyone.
Toiletoverflowing argued that the way to have one’s cake and eat it too is to assume a different meaning of the word “have” than is normally implied by the adage, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
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A while back, I said that we had an old saying—actually, I said adage, not saying, but let’s not be picky—here in Shalampax, but I couldn’t remember what it was. Well, I finally remembered. Our old saying goes something like this:
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