National Physical Fitness Day
Shalampaxians will be observing National Physical Fitness Day today. Of course, Shalampaxians being Shalampaxians, we’ll be observing it from the comfort of our couches, with our feet firmly planted on ottomans and beers always in hand. (Well, that is to say the beer cans will be in our hands. The beers will be in the cans until a few seconds after the cans are opened, after which the beers will be down our throats, into our bellies and then out through our urinary tracts. But you get the picture.)
Observance consists mostly of watching sports on television.
Out of respect for the National Physical Fitness Day holiday, many of us will, just for today, switch to light beers and the low-fat, low-sodium versions of our favorite potato chips and pork rinds. We’ll be back to the sodium-, calorie-, and fat-laden versions tomorrow. A holiday is one thing, but you can’t expect us to make such sacrifices the whole year-round.
Happy National Fitness Day! Even if you’re not a Shalampaxian, you too can join in the festivities by relaxing and watching someone else get some exercise. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
I endorse this couch-based celebratory technique. Personally, I embrace the recliner celebration for virtually every national recognition holiday…and I’m all the better for it.
I’m with you up until watching the sports on television…I’ll be listening on the radio, because I’m old school (okay, read: poor). Otherwise, I’m with you.
Just curious–given your national preference for sedentary activity–what sports do Shalampaxians engage in?
@Patricia – I’m told that traditionally Dwarf tossing is like their Superbowl.
Yea! I think this is a legitimate excuse for me not to use Wii Fit today. Although I don’t drink beer, I’m making a pitcher of Kool-Aid and ordering Chinese food. Now, exactly which sporting event will I watch?
@David: Yes, our philosophy is that if you absolutely have to engage in activity, it should definitely be couch-based whenever possible.
@Unfinished Rambler: Whatever. The point is to make sure that you are vicariously engaged in someone else doing something somewhat related to physical fitness, without you actually participating.
@Patricia: David is usually very knowledgeable about all things Shalampaxian, but dwarf-tossing is way too strenuous for the vast majority of us. We don’t have anything that could be called a national sport, but tiddlywinks comes closest. However, we still prefer watching tiddlywinks on television rather than having to limber up the old fingers to play it ourselves.
@MadMadMargo: Yes, in fact, I’d recommend throwing out that Wii Fit. It might lead to physical activity and, apart from sex, who the hell needs that? I recommend watching any sport that won’t get you too excited; well, porn would be OK. You wouldn’t want it to risk overworking it. Again, apart from having sex and/or watching porn.
Very nice plan.. and just think, every time you get up off the couch to umm, relieve the pressure, thats just more exercise!!
@nipsy: Way ahead of you. Many of us relieve the pressure using a catheter and a long rubber tube that stretches into the bathroom.
Oh, silly me. I was thinking of the sport most Shalampaxians enjoy watching on TV with that Dwarf Tossing answer; not the sports in which Shalampaxians might participate.
I would suspect checkers might be the leading contender. Chess would be too intellectually challenging even though very little physical exertion is needed. Dominos might also be of interest.
@David: Tiddlywinks really is the preferred sport. There isn’t all that much more physical exertion required than there is for checkers, but unlike checkers, absolutely no thought is required for tiddlywinks.