Peace Prize
Hey peeps, I’ve got some earth-shattering gossip for you. Manexposinghimself, Shalampax’s Prime Minister, isn’t saying much about it publicly, but his friends tell me that he has come up with a foolproof plan for bringing about lasting world peace. And I’m not talking about only eliminating wars. Manexposinghimself’s plan would also end localized fighting among groups, one-on-one violence, and just bitchy, vociferous arguments as well.
If carried through to fruition, this infallible peace plan would absolutely guarantee that Manexposinghimself will be awarded next year’s Nobel Peace Prize. There wouldn’t even be a contest.
What is this plan that he has, so far, refused to discuss publicly? Details are starting to leak out.
A source I cannot name was at a soiree at Manexposinghimself’s home and overheard Manexpsoinghimself say, “Indolence is the answer. Lazy people don’t formulate battle plans. Lazy people don’t declare wars. Lazy people don’t join armies. Lazy people don’t murder. Lazy people don’t rape. Lazy people don’t fight. Lazy people don’t mug other people. And lazy people don’t commit burglaries.
“No. Lazy people watch television, but only if they can switch channels with a remote. Otherwise, they nap. In short, an idle world is a peaceful world. All I am saying is give sloth a chance.”
According to my source, Manexposinghimself’s roughly sketched out plan calls for him to begin a massive campaign to promote extreme indolence to all of the people of the world.
Of course, because of the arrest warrants sworn out against him in pretty well every other country, Manexposinghimself would have to mount his campaign from Shalampax. However, he figures that the Internet, coupled with television and radio broadcasts produced here, would be adequate to get the job done.
Think about it. No more war. In fact no more violence of any type. The Nobel Peace Prize would be Manexposinghimself’s for the asking.
Ironically, Manexposinghimself’s altruism might, in the end, cost him the Peace Prize. I’m told that, after he looked at his plan more closely, he realized that there was a serious flaw in it. His global slothfulness campaign would require considerable work on his part. Thus, he would be setting a bad example for the world.
The word I’m getting is that, rather than setting a bad example, he is seriously thinking of forgoing the Nobel Peace Prize. Instead, his current thinking is that he will stay home and watch television, with his remote control firmly in hand. In doing so, he’ll be a role model for the rest of the world. However, that’s not something that the Nobel committee is likely to notice. And that’s a shame.
I would hate to dissuade him from such a noble quest as world peace but it seems that all the national representatives in the United Nations already have virtually perfected the art of sloth.
David: That may be so, but they haven’t yet begun to promote sloth beyond their hallowed halls. That’s the key to peace; an indolent world, not just an indolent U.N.
Actually, the Nobel Committee has proven that it is capable of ferreting out individuals who have great plans for peace–long before they implement those plans. They should be able to appreciate the quality of his ideas even as he sits on his sofa, remote in hand.
@Patricia: That’s great to hear. Manexposinghimself will be very happy to learn that his efforts at embodying the true spirit of slothfulness will not keep him from his well-deserved Nobel Peace Prize next year.
I was thinking the UN folks might have trademarked the whole art of sloth concept that is the basis of the peace plan but that was silly for two reasons – First they are too lazy to bother with filing for trademark protection; and second, Shalampaxians don’t give a flying fig about trademarks. Silly me.
After pondering all this for a bit, I have a new concern about how this couch/sloth – firm grasp of the remote business might adversely affect the Shalampaxian penchant for watching porn and the natural actions that ensue. Are a lot of Shalampaxians ambidexterous so one hand can maintain control over the remote while the other hand…well, provides some immediate gratification? Inquiring minds need to know.
The porn industries could suffer dreadfully.
@David: I think the problem is that you can’t trademark sloth unless you use it as a proper name to identify a business entity, product or service. Then it’s easy. First use of the and the use of a “tm” symbol and trademark notice to mark it as trademarked, are all you need. I’m not even sure if the tm is legally required. Registration of the trademark is not legally necessary, it just helps to prove first use.
Sloth itself is not something that can be trademarked. If, however, it could be defined as a documented, novel process for achieving peace, then they might be able to patent it. Unfortunately, as I understand it, filing for a patent does take considerable work and, therefore, is not something a slothful person would undertake.
With regards to our being slothful interfering with our porn and its aftermath. One does have to make a few compromises in life, doesn’t one? Sloth tends to fall by the wayside in those circumstances.