Twitter Domination
A few days ago I told you that I had joined Twitter and I had begun twitting. However, at the time, I didn’t tell you about my, until now, secret mission. Here it is: I have set myself the objective of becoming the most followed person on Twitter.
Why have I adopted this Twitter goal?
I am an old guy who, in the real world of Shalampax as opposed to the virtual world they call the Internet thingy, is as close as you can come to being a recluse without starving to death. When you consider all of the young, Internet-savvy, gregarious publicity hounds out there, I think it would be a hoot, and possibly even a holler, if I was the most-followed person on Twitter.
This is important to me because I haven’t had a lot of hoots or, particularly, hollers in my life. You have to go back to 1986 to find my last hoot. And I haven’t had a holler since 1972.
What does my Twitter goal translate into numerically?
Twitter follower counts are, no doubt, volatile. As a result, the following stats are probably already out of date. However, when I checked on twittercounter.com, the most followed Twit, if that’s the word I’m looking for, was someone I’d never heard of. He had more than 3.8 million followers. The Ellen Show was second with more than 3.5 million followers. Third place went to Britney Spears, also with more than 3.5 million followers. And, the top ten most-followed Twits all had more than 2.3 million followers.
I, on the other hand, had 17 followers the last time I checked.
How can you help?
Obviously, the Twitter goal I’ve set for myself is a daunting one. It’s made even more difficult by my reclusiveness. I don’t have a lot of personal acquaintances I can ask to help me with this. If you don’t count the lunatic who comes to my door preaching Paahlm, the number is approximately, in round numbers, zero, with a margin of error of plus or minus three percent.
So, I have a favor to ask of you. (That is to say, I have a favor to ask if you are an American. If you’re from one of the other English-speaking countries, I might, instead, have a favour to ask of you, but it amounts to the same thing.)
Here’s the favor (or favour): If you haven’t already done so, please follow me on Twitter. And if you haven’t joined Twitter, then please do so and follow me as soon as you do.
But don’t stop there. Please also ask your friends, neighbors (or neighbours), and relatives to follow me. And ask them to ask their friends, neighbors (or neighbours), and relatives to follow me. And ask them to ask their … to ask their … Well, you get the picture.
Why should you help me?
Why should you help me? Do you even need to ask that question? No, you certainly don’t need to ask it. Enough said.
With your help, we can make this happen! Thanks.
I fear that, if you have no clue who that #1 twit Ashton Kutcher is, you are going to have a long hard climb in the social world of twittering to reach your goal.
I do have one suggestion that may help you but I fear you may not be willing, as a typical Shalampaxian, to expend the effort. Simply get busy creating hundreds and thousands of free email accounts for yourself and then link those in as twit feeds. Your numbers will climb astronomically.
@David: I don’t pay much attention to the world outside Shalampax. Should I know him or her? Has he or she won a Nobel Prize or anything like that?
As to getting multiple email accounts. Good idea. I should talk to some of the people I know at our spam companies. They probably know all about that sort of thing.
He hasn’t won any Nobel prizes – yet. It is surprising that he hasn’t been a winner of the Nobel for Economics – he’s made a fortune based on very little talent or measurable skills.
He’s been nominated for various acting awards but hasn’t won those either. He’s popular with the teens, 20-somethings and other groups of youts which feeds his twit volume statistics.
He did manage to score a big cougar award by marrying actor Demi Moore right from under the watchful eyes of her outgoing husband Bruce Willis, yet another actor who is known for his tough guy roles.
I would expect that with all the television-watching happening in Shalampax, these TV stars would have achieved some name-recognition there. Go figure. What do you all watch on TV anyway?
I’m following you and I’ll tell my 2 followers to follow you too. It takes small steps, but you’ll make it. I have faith in you.
@David: I mostly watch porn. Have any of the people you mentioned been in any porn films I might have seen?
@Unfinished Rambler: Thanks! Every little bit helps. Twitter domination is within my grasp. I can feel it.
You are very persuasive. I immediately began following you from your previous post. This post is even more so persuasive. I intend to encourage all 88 of my Twitter followers to follow you. I’m sure you will overtake this Kutcher fellow in no time.
@Patricia: Thanks! The excitement is building! Today, Twitter. Tomorrow, the … Well, let’s get this Twitter domination thing done first.
Gosh I started following you before I even read this post. You may be a recluse but I have no life. I will undertake to promote you to all my pals who have no lives either during the big weekly “no life” festival called Follow Friday. Good luck Birdbrain, er, Birdman, ah, BirdinHand.
@nonamedufus: Thanks Dufus with no name. Us lifeless people have to stick together. The revolution to lift people with no lives up in society begins here and it begins now!