National GOADGAD Day
Today is National Goof Off And Don’t Give A Damn Day (National GOADGAD Day) in Shalampax. Goofing off and not giving a damn is pretty much what most of us here do throughout most days, which is why we felt it was especially important to commemorate our national pastime with a holiday.
On National GOADGAD Day Shalampaxians all, well, not to put too fine a point on it, goof off and don’t give a damn about doing so. True, as I said, that’s what we do almost every day, but today we do it as a patriotic duty.
National GOADGAD Day is not to be confused with National Gonads Day. The latter was a day when the men here honored their gonads. It was cancelled because it was considered to discriminate against women. Actually, what happened was that the women went around kicking men in the gonads on that day because the women were pissed off about only the men being able to take the day off.
It turns out that it was all a mistake that resulted from neither men nor women here realizing that the word gonad means testis or ovary. We all thought it meant only balls. Has anyone here at Shalampax Speaks ever mentioned that we’re all frigging idiots?
I’m not sure how we found out the truth, but National Gonads Day was cancelled before we learned that the holiday wasn’t discriminatory. That’s a pity because, as long as I was able to avoid the ball-kicking women, I really liked National Gonads Day.
Some of the women here were very disappointed both that the holiday was cancelled and that we learned the real meaning of the word gonads because they enjoyed kicking men in the balls. Now they need to find another excuse for doing so.
National GOADGAD Day is an official holiday only here in Shalampax, but you can still take it upon yourself to celebrate it wherever you live.
If you’re reading this at work, when your boss stops by your desk tell her or him that you’re wasting your time surfing worthless Web sites, and you will continue to do so for the rest of the day, in celebration of National GOADGAD Day. What’s the worst that can happen?
Happy National GOADGAD Day! Goof off. It’s the least—and the most—you can do to celebrate this special day.
I’m becoming increasingly suspicious that I have some element of Shalampaxian DNA because, like so many other well-known Shalampax personality traits, I routinely embrace goofing off and not giving a damn.
But I can’t dwell on that today – sounds too tediously intense to ponder.
@David: We have a saying here in Shalampax, “On National GOADGAD Day everyone is Shalampaxian.”
I thought Gonads was an old Kinks song.
@Doctor Faustroll: It may well be. For some unknown reason, we haven’t been able to pirate the songs of some groups. We’re still working out the Kinks in our illegal download system.
Yipppeee, another reason for another day of doing nothing. I am close to perfecting becoming one with my sofa.
@MadMadMargo: Yes, today is definitely a day for melding your body and soul with your couch. Enjoy!