Enhancement Twin-Pack
Spams R Us, Shalampax’s leading spam company, has long been stuffing the email inboxes of hundreds of millions of what it assumes are adoring prospective customers. It sends out billions of offers every month just for male enhancement creams and lotions that firm and enlarge breasts. In fact, those are the company’s biggest—no pun intended—profit makers.
Today, it’s launching a packaging innovation that it thinks will dramatically increase sales and capture new customers. As I’m writing this, Spams R Us’ thousands of hijacked spam bots are busy churning out offers for the Super Boobdick Enhancement Twin-Pack, which is also known as the Boobdick Twin-Pack, for short—definitely no pun intended.
The Boobdick Twin-Pack bundles a supply of Spams R Us’ highest-selling male enhancement cream with a supply of it’s highest-selling bust enlargement and firming lotion, all in a single package.
The company sees two prospective markets for its twin-pack. The first market is comprised of heterosexual couples in which both of the members feel the need for a little anatomical enhancement. The second market consists of people about to undergo a sex change operation and who want to have the best of both worlds on either side of the operation.
The thinking is that prospective customers in these markets will appreciate being able to satisfy both needs with a single, online order, at a slightly lower price than if they ordered the two separately. And they’ll incur only a one shipping and handling charge rather than two.
In addition, letter carriers are always suspicious when they deliver plain brown packages. Delivering one package instead of two will cut in half the probability that letter carriers will guess couples’ or transsexuals’ deficiencies before they have a chance to augment their assets.
This is an exciting announcement from Spams R Us. Keep an eye on your email inbox for the thousands of fabulous Super Boobdick Enhancement Twin-Pack offers that are heading your way. And, when they arrive, don’t delay. This is an unlimited-time offer.
>>>male enhancement creams and lotions that firm and enlarge breasts.
I’m so glad you clarified the intended audience because I was finding some difficulty envisioning a group of male customers wishing to enlarge their breasts.
When I read the title, I thought for sure this was going to be about Hugh Hefner’s latest girlfriends – the twins. Now, there’s a man that knows all about male enhancement.
I’m not sure why I’d want to make this thing any bigger, but whatever.
@David: Of course, those are just their target markets. If any male customers want to enlarge their breasts, Spams R Us certainly isn’t going to stop them. It’s very open-minded about the people who pay for its products.
@MadMadMargo: No, the post had nothing to do with Hugh Hefner, but I believe that Spams R Us does offer some blow-up doll replicas of the twins. If you’re interested, I could check.
@moooooog35: Well, if you make it long enough, you don’t need to bother buying any brooms. Just open up a porno mag and use an elastic band to attach a duster to the end of your maleness whenever you want to sweep the floors.
@Snotontable
Regarding your advice to Mooooooog35, is it supposed to be pointed at the floor???? I’m doing something wrong I guess.
@David: Just to clarify, you only want to point it to the floor if it is long enough to use as a mop handle and then only when you are using it as a mop handle. For other purposes you likely don’t want it pointing down. That having been said, having one that’s that long probably opens up a hole host of new positions because you aren’t going to be able to make use of its full length without causing injury, so you can stand fairly far from your partner.
@Snotontable
This reminds me of that phrase I’ve heard diminutive men use: “Bigger is not always better but it is usually more exciting”.
@David: A refined woman like myself doesn’t like to discuss such things. Yeah, right. Who am I kidding? I’ve always believed that size does matter, but only up to a point because there’s only so far you can go with it.