Technology Acquisition
I don’t know if you’ve been reading Stoneupnose’s reports on Openfly’s recent adventures wherein Openfly, by an amazing coincident, stumbled on Marie, the woman who, more than anyone else, is responsible for Shalampax being the great nation it is today. But if you haven’t been reading his columns, you should. They’ve been spellbinding. Or maybe they just put me to sleep. I often find it difficult to tell the difference between spellbinding and sleep-inducing.
If Marie’s importance eludes you then you obviously haven’t done any reading on Shalampax’s history. And if not, why not? How the hell do you think you’ll ever be able to figure us out if you’re not willing to spend a few minutes reading about us at Shalampax’s national Web site?
Sorry, I got off on an tangent there. I mentioned Stoneupnose’s reports because they reminded me of something. Before Marie washed up on our shores we had no technology and no language. Marie didn’t give us technology, but she did teach us English.
Marie was only here for a couple of years and when she left we still had no technology. The story of how, in just two or three decades, despite living on an exceptionally isolated island, we were able to use our newfound knowledge of English to acquire some of the most advanced telecommunications and electrical equipment in the world is a fascinating story.
That is to say, I sort of remember it as being a fascinating story. Unfortunately, I’ve completely forgotten what that story is. I asked a few people here if they could recall it, but their minds were blank. This is not surprising because blanks are their minds’ normal state of affairs.
I also looked through our national archives, which are a few spiral-bound notebooks with handwritten observations inscribed in crayon. Unfortunately, there is nothing in those archives about how we acquired our technology.
Truthfully, that may not be entirely accurate. I think there is nothing in our archives about the story of how we acquired our technology, but most of what’s written in there is illegible. Handwriting is not a strong suit of any Shalampaxians. Actually, few of us have a strong suit of any kind.
That’s a pity because it really was an absolutely amazing story. At least, I seem to remember it being an absolutely amazing story. Maybe. Maybe not. My mind isn’t as sharp as it once was and it never was that sharp.
If anyone remembers that part of our history, please drop me a line. Thanks. Bye.
>>>>Actually, few of us have a strong suit of any kind.
I fear that is an unnecessary denigration of your fellow Shalampaxians. I have it on good authority that virtually everyone in Shalampax is quite competent with channel surfing using the remote control as well as drinking large volumes of adult beverages. Let’s respectfully give some credit where credit’s due, ok?
@David: Yes, I grant you that most Shalampaxians are very good at those things. However, I don’t think that very many people from outside of Shalampax–other than you, of course–would consider those to be strengths. But thanks for mentioning them.
@Birdinhand
Au Contraire – I’ll give you just couple of many examples from life here in the states: Virtually every fraternity guy would be very proud of the skills to drink virtually unlimited quantities of beer and are known for building on their TV remote control skills to excel at video games. Every Sunday afternoon or Monday evening, the sports fanatics pride themselves on adult beverage consumption as well as their ability to rapidly switch between channels to check the scores and action of multiple ball games.
Sure, I doubt they list this on their resumes but the skills are almost universally admired.
@David: Can Shalampaxians join these fraternities without moving to the states? These frat guys sound like our type of people.
Sure, you just establish your own frat chapter where you are. Jeez…check google often???
@David: google? Is that some sort of new technology? I don’t bother trying any of the new technologies until I’m sure they’re going to catch on.
@Birdinhand
I’m sure your neighbors who are heavily involved in the spam industries of Shalampax can give you an excellent education on the values and glorious advantages of the googles. They are just the best friends anyone could imagine in the world of those crazy interweb nets things.
Bless your heart.
@David: I’ll have to talk to our spam companies about the googles. The sound like wonderful people. I wonder if they would associate with a Shalampaxian.