Shalampax Speaks

Hi peeps. If you read the comments on my previous column you’ll know that, upon learning for certain that Marie is her biological mother and a Shalampaxian is her biological father, MadMadMargo had some questions for Marie.

Specifically, MadMadMargo asked, “Will Marie want to meet me? Will Marie like me?” She went on to suggest that Marie might want to join her in visiting Shalampax. This assumes, of course, that the Shalampax parliament approves her visit and waives the usual cannibalizing treatment of visitors. (There is still no word from Parliament on that, but I expect a decision within days.)

I sent these questions to Openfly, who posed them to Marie.

Marie’s response to the first two questions—does she want to meet MadMadMargo and will she like MadMadMargo—were so poignant that, as soon as they finished talking, Openfly ran back to her computer to record Marie’s words as best she could remember them.

According to Openfly, when she asked Marie those questions, Marie broke down in tears and started moaning hysterically. It took quite some time before Marie was able to compose herself enough to talk, and the tears continued to pour from her eyes while she did.

Openfly believes the following is an accurate transcription of Marie’s words. (I cleaned up Openfly’s spelling because she is useless in that regard. Sorry, Openfly, but it’s spelled “people,” not “peepel.” And the word you were looking for is “daughter,” not “dotter,” to name just two of your dozens of mistakes.):

“I’ve lived a life that many people scorn. Upon achieving the earliest traces of true adulthood, I’ve always been free with my spirit, free with my mind, and free with my body. That was already my chosen lifestyle at a much more priggish time than now. And some groups still retain much of that self-righteousness today.

“Many people have disparaged me mercilessly for the life I’ve lived, but I don’t regret a single thing I’ve ever done—except one. Not a day has gone by that I have not felt bottomless remorse for having given MadMadMargo up for adoption.

“My head tells me that, given the conditions I was living in at the time—desperately poor, residing in a cramped, beat-up apartment above a strip joint in the French Quarter of New Orleans, and stripping in the club to earn a meager living—giving up MadMadMargo to be raised by a loving family was the right thing to do. At the time, I couldn’t possibly give my daughter the life that every child deserves. And, back then, I couldn’t be certain that I would ever be able to give her that life.

“When I did earn some money, and even became rich, I thought of seeking out MadMadMargo and begging her to let me back into her life. But by then I was ashamed of having given her up for adoption. What’s more, I thought it would be unfair to barge into the life that she and her adoptive parents had made for her. So I swallowed my tears, rent my heart and made no attempt to reenter her life.

“That’s what my head told me and still tells me, but not a day has gone by since I gave MadMadMargo up for adoption that my heart hasn’t ached intensely. I knew her for only a few months, but in that brief time I came to love my daughter more than I ever imagined possible.

“People say those feelings fade over time. They’re wrong. I don’t think I’ve had more than five waking minutes when I haven’t cried about it when I’m alone with my sorrow. And waking minutes torment me for much of the day and night as sleep comes so fitfully due to the curse of my longing for my daughter.

“Maybe that’s why I continued my promiscuous lifestyle even in my later years. I didn’t want to be alone with my feelings for my daughter because those emotions were, and still are, too painful. Screwing every guy that passed my way helped me to divert those thoughts. And I won’t deny that I found great pleasure in the sex. But that doesn’t diminish my feelings for my daughter in the least.

“So, do I want to see MadMadMargo? Yes; far more than I’ve wanted anything else in my life.

“And will I like her? No. I will love her.”

So, there you have it, MadMadMargo, your biological mother wants back into your life and she has never stopped loving you.

Openfly also asked Marie about visiting Shalampax with MadMadMargo. Marie is, even today, still very bitter about the way she was treated in her last days in Shalampax. And, now that she’s learned that it was just trickery, she is furious about the deception that was used to convince her to flee.

Nevertheless, Marie feels strongly that MadMadMargo should see her biological father’s homeland as it’s a key part of her heritage. And if Marie’s presence would facilitate and, possibly, add value to that experience, she is willing to consider joining MadMadMargo’s on her journey to Shalampax.

Marie is now quite old, but she believes she is still strong enough to make the arduous trip. However, she has made the following demands of the Government of Shalampax before she will come back:

1. The Government of Shalampax must issue a formal apology for the way the people of Shalampax treated Marie during her last days here.
2. The government must grant Marie a visitor’s visa or, better yet, honorary Shalampax citizenship that recognizes the key role she played in fostering modern Shalampax society. And the government must assure Marie that she will not be cannibalized while here. (Needless to say, the same must go for MadMadMargo.)
3. Particularly because of her age, Marie refuses to sit on a storm-tossed ship, possibly for months, waiting for the weather to subside enough for the ship to dock at Shalampax. Instead, the ship must be one that a helicopter capable of flying a long distance can land on.

   Marie and MadMadMargo will fly to American Samoa, which has the international airport closest to Shalampax. A helicopter with an adequate flying range must be kept on standby there. Marie and MadMadMargo will stay in a hotel in American Samoa, but they will make themselves available to leave on a moment’s notice when they hear that the weather in Shalampax has cleared sufficiently. They will then fly to the ship and land on its helicopter pad.

4. Marie is willing to pay for return flights to Pago Pago International Airport in American Samoa for both MadMadMargo and herself. She will also pay for the hotel rooms in American Samoa. However, she expects someone in Shalampax, probably MadMadMargo’s biological father if his identity is known by then, to pick up the cost of the helicopter.

Whether or not those conditions are met and the trip to Shalampax comes off, Marie recommends that she and MadMadMargo meet before then to get reacquainted. The trip to Shalampax will be arduous and, particularly once they’re in Shalampax, returning will not be something that can be arranged immediately.

Marie is certain that she will want to spend as much time as possible with MadMadMargo, but she fears that the fact that Marie abandoned her to adoption may eventually eat away at MadMadMargo and turn her against Marie. Marie suggests that it would, therefore, be a good idea to work through those feelings before going to Shalampax.

Marie would be happy to visit MadMadMargo in her home. Or, if MadMadMargo prefers, she can visit Marie in California and stay in her choice of the five-star resort or the retro-hippie commune, for free, of course.

That’s the long and the short of the conversation between Marie and Openfly. Openfly tells me that Marie has invited her to celebrate something called Thanksgiving at Marie’s residence in the resort.

Apparently, Thanksgiving is today in the United States. (Merry Thanksgiving to those readers who celebrate it.) I don’t know what this Thanksgiving thing is, but Openfly seems to think it’s a big deal in America.

That got me wondering. MadMadMargo is American. Because of the holiday there, I don’t know if she’ll be at her computer today. If not, I hope she checks in soon and looks at this column, which may no longer be the lead story in Shalampax Speaks when MadMadMargo drops by. I’d hate to think she might miss seeing what her mother said.

Stay tuned, peeps. I’m sure there will be more to report in the coming days, weeks, and months.