Shalampax Speaks

Moldybread the Mime

Moldybread, who is infamous for his disastrous weather balloon experiment, has been studying the art of mime through a free online course that he found on the Web. His studies almost ended in tragedy when, while a rehearsing a performance piece, he became trapped in his imaginary box and couldn’t get out.

Moldybread was stuck in the box for more than a day. Fortunately, on the day after first becoming trapped, his wife wasn’t sleeping with anyone else that night so she came home. She found Moldybread, led him by the hand out of the imaginary box through the imaginary door that Moldybread was unable to imagine, gave him some water to hydrate him, and had sex with him because, like I said, she wasn’t sleeping with anyone else that night.

Thanks to his study of mime, Moldybread did not make a sound during most of the sex, but he was unable to squelch a moan when he climaxed. His wife, on the other hand, moaned loudly throughout and screamed when she had an orgasm. She hates mimes.

Not deterred by his initial failure, Moldybread persevered with his study of mime. Convinced that he his now ready to perform in front of an audience, he will present a show in meeting room 1F, formerly known as the janitorial closet, at 8:30 p.m. tomorrow evening.

To avoid embarrassing himself in public, Moldybread will not perform the classic “man trapped in a box” routine. Instead, he will perform “man standing still,” “man sitting on chair,” “man lying on the floor,’ and “man dead.”

See if you can distinguish between “man lying on the floor” and “man dead.” I’m told that the difference between the two is extremely subtle. Apparently, even Moldybread has no idea what he’s doing differently.

It promises to be a rewarding evening for anyone suffering from insomnia.