Moral Outrage
It has come to my attention that some people outside of Shalampax took serious offense to yesterday’s column by Poopydiaper on the Shalampax school’s computer-generated art contest. In particular, these people found the winning picture, One of Mommy’s Many Special Friends, by Peeonfloor, which depicted a naked man standing “at attention,” if you get my drift, to be especially odious.
Because Shalampaxians’ consider porn to be one of the highest art forms, we have become desensitized to pictures of this nature. And, because it was a line drawing, rather than a photograph, we didn’t think anyone would object.
Not being familiar with the peoples and customs outside of Shalampax, we were unaware that the penises of men elsewhere did not get erect and, therefore, the picture would offend them.
In addition, the school felt it was important to encourage the artistic side of its students, rather than castigating them for their choice of subject matter.
I sincerely apologize for this incident. We did not intend to offend. I promise that it will not happen again unless, of course, the school holds another such contest with a similar winning picture.
When I was in third grade, I got an award for a painting I drew of George Washington crossing the Delaware. That sort of tells you the standard subject matter for elementary school art work in my part of the world. We live in changing times and it just may take a while before the rest of the world catches up to the more open attitude of the Shalampaxian educational system.
@Patricia: One can only hope that the world will advance. Then again, considering that the students in Shalampax have among the lowest academic achievement scores on the planet, the rest of the world might want to be selective about which of our educational attributes it chooses to catch up to.
If that man was, as you say, standing at attention, he has some serious problems with his junk. According to all the porn I’ve seen, when a dude is “at attention” it is pointing north, not south…but of course I can’t speak for Shalampaxians. All this leads me to wonder how the guy bits mesh with the girl bits in Shalampax. Is there a video to shed light on this “issue”?
@David: Thanks for solving a mystery for me. I knew that either the subject was “shorter” than the average Shalampaxian male, or there was another explanation for the deficiency. I hadn’t analyzed the picture carefully, but you’re right–as far as you go. If the penis was standing at attention, then, to the boy who created the picture, it would appear shorter than it is because he was viewing the penis almost straight-on. Clearly the eyes of the student artist must have been higher than the subject’s penis, which when drawing the penis in proper perspective, would make it appear as it does in the picture. Either that or the student isn;t as good an artist as the judges claim and the judges were just trying to get in the artist’s mother’s pants, which is an equally likely explanation.
No, there is no video.