Shalampax Speaks

In the past, the Shalampax school has issued report cards with “A” through “F” letter grades for each subject. Until now, report cards have been sent home with students three times a year.

It has long been felt that the letter grades were somewhat arbitrary and not particularly descriptive of the students’ academic progress and achievements. In addition, teachers have long complained that assigning letter grades to every student three times a year was too onerous a task, particularly when you consider how much time teachers have to spend stretching and yawning in preparation for their classes.

In consideration of these complaints, the Shalampax school is changing its reporting procedures. From now on, report cards will be issued only once annually, at the end of the school year.

In addition, letter grades will be abolished. Instead of preparing and giving assignments and tests as a basis for formulating grades, the day before the report cards are due to be issued, teachers will ask each student, “so, how do you think you did this year?”

Based on the answers the students provide, they will receive happy face, sad face, or neutral face stickers to take home to their parents. Students taking home happy face stickers will be labeled as inveterate liars and celebrated as such.