Rottentomato’s New Year’s Eve Party
Rottentomato, owner of Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, has asked me to let his prospective customers know that he still has a few spots open for his annual New Year’s Eve party. For those of you who don’t have calendars and don’t pay attention to such things, which is common among Shalampaxians, today is December 30, so New Year’s Eve is tomorrow night.
This year, for just $500 per person or $1,200 per couple, Rottentomato is offering a selection of roast rodent and insect appetizers, a main course of pan-seared imported garden slugs and kelp, and a dessert course of all-artificially flavored ices.
Because of the expected demand for tables, Rottentomato will not seat losers who come in alone on New Year’s Eve. Nor will he issue separate checks for individuals at a table. Thus, the people at each table will have to pay at least one couple’s charge.
For your entertainment pleasure, Rottentomato bought a kazoo that he will be playing. He tells me that has been rehearsing a number of waltzes and other rhythmic tunes so you’ll be able to dance the night away, if you so choose. Of course, Shalampaxians don’t dance—we barely move—and we’re not really into music at all, so there might not be much call for the kazoo. In fact, I think Rottentomato might have been lying about having a kazoo.
Just before the magic hour, Rottentomato will pass out thimbles full of champagne, at no additional charge. Then, when the clock strikes midnight, everyone will raise their thimbles and Rottentomato will take the opportunity to feel-up all of the ladies, again at no additional charge.
