Dispensation Sale Reminder
Officials at the Church of Infinitiaty have asked me to remind readers that there is still time to get in on the buy-one-get-one-free sin dispensation sale. That’s right, right now—but only until January 31, 2010—for every sin dispensation that you buy at the regular retail price, you will get a second dispensation of equal or lesser value absolutely free.
That’s right, I know it’s unbelievable, but you heard me right. Get the second dispensation for no additional charge.
And remember, there is no time limit on the use of these dispensations. Even if you haven’t committed a sin yet, but you plan to in the future, these dispensations will cover you.
And here’s something else to consider. The Sages at the Church of Infinitiaty tell me that they have just completed a thorough examination and analysis of the ancient and revered Infinitiaty scriptures, some of which were recently written specifically for this purpose.
The definitive interpretation of these scriptures by the Sages is that New Year’s resolutions are not just promises to yourself but also promises to one or more of the infinity of Gods. Thus, if you made any New Year’s resolutions and have already broken them, or if think you might break them in the future, now is the time to buy your salvation.
But wait, there’s more. The church has just added a special bonus to this deal. To further encourage those who may still be procrastinating about taking advantage of this sin dispensation sale, if you spend $250 or more on sin dispensations, the church will throw in a Church of Infinitiaty sweatshirt for only $33.00 (plus shipping charges)! This is almost a full dollar’s savings off the regular price of $33.99 (plus shipping charges)!
But don’t delay. This offer ends on January 31, 2010 and it may or may not ever be repeated.
Dude..when you couple words greater than three syllables PLUS shit I have to Google…you lose me. I’m so lost, I’m expecting Kate and Sawyer to show up.
@moooooog35: Sorry for challenging you. And who are Kate & Sawyer? Sounds like a party to me. Have fun. But if you have too much fun, don’t forget to buy your salvation.
I think I’m kind of young to start worrying about salvation. I too many years of potential sins left to start paying for dispensations now.
@David: Yes, but, as I said, there is no expiry on these dispensations. You can buy them now for future sins, save yourself a bundle, and sin like crazy without worrying about damnation. Of course, the problem is that the dispensations are for specific types of sins. The cost of the dispensation varies depending on the nature of the sin. So, you have to decide now what sins you’re going to commit.
I’m thinking loads of fornication but without a willing partner, I can’t say with any degree of certainty.
@David: You’re going to need a lot of salvation for that. I understand that you’re not certain if you’ll go ahead with it, but this would be a good time to buy some dispensation just in case. Then you can go ahead without having to worry about it.