Winter Olympics
The 2010 Winter Olympics are happening now. This time they’re in some weird, out-of-the-way place called Vancouver, Canada, wherever the hell that is.
Once again, Shalampax is not participating. This really annoys me because I sent an email to the International Olympic Committee (IOC) asking them if we could send some Shalampaxians to the Olympics, but I never heard back from the IOC.
I don’t know anyone at the IOC, so I addressed my email to “someone@olympics.org.” I’m sure there must be someone at there, so it should have gotten through. Nonetheless, nobody got back to me.
Just to be clear, when I say “nobody got back to me,” that’s not to say that I got a response from someone named “nobody,” but rather that I didn’t get response at all.
Of course, my request wasn’t entirely pertinent because it’s unlikely that anyone in Shalampax would compete in the Olympics if it requires getting off their couch. And, being located on a flat island near the equator, we don’t have any experience with winter sports. But if there’s a freestyle remote channel changing event, we’re a shoe-in.
Shalampaxians may not be ideal athletes, but it would have been nice to have been invited to the Winter Olympics. And, even if we weren’t invited, it would have been nice to at least not be ignored. But the IOC couldn’t even bother to respond to my email.
All this time, I thought the Olympics were all about bringing together the peoples of the world in a spirit of good sportsmanship and good sportswomanship. Apparently, I was wrong. Bah. Humbug.
Those people of the International Olymic Committee are a bit too big for their britches – I don’t mean they are fat, just arrogant – so it comes as no surprise they didn’t answer.
I suggest that Shalampax form an exploratory committee to host the summer games – I should think all Shalampaxians would enjoy all that lean meat from those very fit atheletes that the canibalism policy would provide.
@David: I don’t think we could get very far in a bid to host the summer games. The IOC would get suspicious when they see we don’t have enough space to hold one event, let alone all of them. And our meat processing facilities couldn’t handle all of the athletes even if we do get the games.
However, it might be an idea for us to invite some members of the IOC to visit our island to explore the possibility of us getting the games. If there is no chance of our bid succeeding, what’s the difference if a few IOC members don’t make it back home?
I bet you Shalampaxians could compete in curling. You just slide some disk down the ice and then sweep a lot in front of it to make it go in the target. You guys can slide and sweep, can’t you?
I bet when the IOC received your request they remarked, “Some weird, out-of-the-way place called Shalampax, wherever the hell that is – no!”.
BTW, what is the 3 letter airport code for Shamlapax? SAM, SAX, SAP?
@MadMadMargo
Oops, I misspelled Shalampx – I beg your pardon.
Very funny post. I am surprised you didn’t hear back from someone at the IOC. Someone@olympics.org should have replied. I am from Canada so I could send you some of our snow so you can practice. I’m not sure they picked Vancouver as the right venue because some events have been postponed due to rain. Yes surprisingly, it does rain in Canada at this time of year.
@Patricia: We don’t sweep. We either use robotic vacuum cleaners or just let the dust lie where it may. Curling sounds like way too much work and way too domestic.
@MadMadMargo: Funny thing is, most of us feel that way about Shalampax. Airport? We haven’t enough room to park a car, let alone land an airplane.
@Mom To The Power Of Three: Wow! That’s incredible news about Canada. People actually live there? I thought it was all just ice and snow. Rain? And in the winter, yet. You’re pulling my leg.
Have you filed a formal protest with the United Nations? I don’t know, but I think that would go a long toward furthering your cause. You might also want to set up an interview on CNN with Wolf Blitzer. It sounds like you need some exposure.
@Unfinished Rambler: We’re a more than a little hesitant about contacting the U.N., or the news media for that matter, because almost everyone here has several Interpol international arrest warrants sworn out against them. Exposure is the last thing we need.
My husband and I enjoyed watching its opening.
How was your weekend?
@grace: I’m glad you enjoyed it. My weekend was as joyous as a weekend can be in Shalampax, which means almost, but not quite, entirely miserable.
This is tragic. I was just watching the Olympics this morning and wondering to myself why there were no Shalampaxian competitors in any of the events.
I think you guys should just go next time, and demand to be allowed to compete in the games. You should also be allowed to choose which sport you want to compete in, and if it’s not in the lineup, just put whatever sport you want there. It’s only fair.
Good luck with that. I’ll be checking to see if you guys 4 years from now….
@The Fitness Diva: Yes, I know. It is tragic. And if they want to be truly inclusive, they should expand the roster of events to include one or two that we’d at least have a chance of winning. Of course, for that to happen, those events would have to be something that could be done without ever leaving the comfort of our chairs.
That having been said, if I were you, I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting to see us in the 2014 Winter Olympics because, well, you’d be dead if you tried holding your breath that long. That would be a very bad idea.