Creative Praying
With any luck, I’ll get my cute little ass fired off this blog-writing gig because my creative juices aren’t flowing. My lack of a clue as to what to write here bothered me, but then I thought, I’m the spiritual writer here. The answer is obvious. Pray to Paahlm for divine inspiration.
So I prayed to Paahlm asking It to deliver unto me a blog post; a good one, please. I prayed like nobody’s business, which is a rather stupid thing to say because it is nobody’s business but my own. The point is, I prayed like crazy. And crazy is what I’ve always thought of praying, but never mind. Despite all of that fervent praying, Paahlm didn’t come through.
Then I thought, maybe I’ve been wrong all these years. Maybe Paahlm isn’t the one true God. So I tried praying to Yahweh, the Hebrew God. I prayed with all of the sincerity I could possible fake, but still nothing came to me.
Alright, I thought, if Yahweh won’t answer me, maybe His Son will. But, Jesus Christ either was incapable of coming up with a decent blog post or He decided He didn’t want to be on speaking terms with me. Whatever the case, He delivered nada to me. If He can’t help me out with a small request like this, then what the hell good is He? I hope His Father scolds Him for His impertinence, but considering that His Father ignored me too, probably not.
Then I tried Allah. I’m pretty sure that Allah and Yahweh are the same God. I mean, have you ever seen them in the same heaven together? I know I haven’t. But whether they’re the same God or not, He was still not answering.
For good measure I also tried Buddha, Vishnu, Krishna, Rama, Zeus, Odin, Ra, and a few dozen other gods. All of them refused to answer. One put me on hold and played elevator music in my head before disconnecting my prayer 20 minutes later, but I refuse to say which One did that because I don’t want to embarrass Her.
So, I’m afraid, this is all I’ve got. And I’m left without a prayer.
Hmmm… Maybe you did not necessarily need to pray about it? You probably just needed an inspiration.
Here’s an answer to your prayer. Not sure where this is from–I think the Bible, but not sure which verse. “God helps those who help themselves.” You can probably find a variation of it in other religious texts too, I’m guessing. Even Paahlm has probably said something along these lines at some time.
@My Online Money Making Experience: An inspiration. Why didn’t I think of that? Thanks.
@Patricia: Jeez, you mean I have to read the bible? I was hoping to not get to carried away with this stuff. And if I have have to help myself, what do I need God for? To my mind, that seems rather lazy of Him.
You claim to have a cute little ass? I’ve been led to believe there is no such thing on Shalampax although I suppose if one lowers one’s standards far enough it would be possible to say that Rosy O’Donnell has a cute little ass. Being blind and a quadriplegic would help.
@David: When I say “cute” I do, of course, mean on a Shalampaxian scale of cuteness. That’s probably a much lower standard than you are used to.