Shalampax Speaks

Having a dual role here—both a regular columnist and the editor—might sound like a real bummer, and it is, but it has it’s compensations. For example, one of the truly great things about being the editor of Shalampax Speaks, is that I get to decide what gets published here each day. And what is being published here today is absolutely nothing.

I know what you are thinking, “everything that all of you people write is worth absolutely nothing.” That may be so, but this time I don’t mean that today’s post will, as usual, be totally worthless. I mean that absolutely nothing will appear here.

In truth, this is a test.

Neither I nor any of the other writers here want to do this job. Manexposinghimself, our Prime Minister, decided that Shalampax should have a news outlet and that it should be a blog.

To get this publication off the ground, he rounded up all of the Shalampaxians who were at least semi-literate and about whom he knew the juiciest of secrets. He then threatened to expose our secrets if we refused to write this blog. If you know anything about Shalampaxians, you know that almost nothing shames or embarrasses us. So, if they were sufficient grounds for blackmail, you can be certain that these secrets are especially scandalous.

But here’s my thinking. Parliament is shut down to celebrate an extended National Democracy Month. I seriously doubt that any of our Parliamentarians bother reading Shalampax Speaks. Hell, I doubt they can even read. And, with Parliament shut down, they’re not talking to those one or two members of their staffs who can read. So, if we don’t publish anything today, or until Parliament resumes sitting on March 3 for that matter, they probably won’t know.

So, this is a test. There is no post today. Now, go away.