Squishedblueberry will be holding another in her much-hated series of zither concerts on Wednesday evening in Meeting Room 3C. Anyone who has attended her previous zither concerts knows that she has absolutely no idea what a zither is. She calls them “zither” concerts only because she likes the sound of the word and she thinks it’s kind of sexy.
Squishedblueberry performs her “zither” concerts without the benefit of any musical instruments. Her performances consist of her slapping her bare knees inharmoniously. Occasionally—without any apparent pattern or intention—she also grunts loudly, discordantly and most displeasingly. Fortunately, her bare knees are aesthetically disgusting, but not vomit-inducing.
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Yesterday, I told you that the Shalampax school board had declared that the third week of every November would be recognized as Bully Awareness Week. Well, things aren’t going quite as they planned.
A group of teenage bullies rounded up the school board members and insisted that the cake, cookies, milk and fruit juice that the school board plans to give bullies during Bully Awareness Week is not enough. The bullies demanded that they should also be given beer and cigarettes during that week.
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The Shalampax school board is quite upset that, because it’s not an agency of Parliament, it was not allowed to join in the shutdown of Parliament to commemorate National Democracy Month and its extension. However, despite the state of displeasure of its members, the school board has been neither idle nor ineffective.
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They say, “If you haven’t got anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” That rule is honored more in the exception than the rule here in Shalampax. Were it not for a title and three sentences, this would be an exceptional day.
One person who is loving the fact that Parliament is shut down to celebrate the extended National Democracy Month is Redpencil, owner of the Third-Floor Pub. Without having Parliament to nap in, our parliamentarians are spending a lot more time in his pub drinking.
The downside is that Redpencil has gotten quite used to the additional revenue and is dreading the negative impact that the reopening of Parliament will have on his business. Fortunately, he’s come up with a great idea to compensate for the loss.
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With any luck, I’ll get my cute little ass fired off this blog-writing gig because my creative juices aren’t flowing. My lack of a clue as to what to write here bothered me, but then I thought, I’m the spiritual writer here. The answer is obvious. Pray to Paahlm for divine inspiration.
So I prayed to Paahlm asking It to deliver unto me a blog post; a good one, please. I prayed like nobody’s business, which is a rather stupid thing to say because it is nobody’s business but my own. The point is, I prayed like crazy. And crazy is what I’ve always thought of praying, but never mind. Despite all of that fervent praying, Paahlm didn’t come through.
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