Anniversary Ahead
Less than a month from now—if we should live that long—April 2, 2010, to be precise, will be the one-year anniversary of Shalampax Speaks. We think we should do something to celebrate because we will probably be able to get one or two blog posts out of that event, whatever it may be, without having to do too much writing work.
Unfortunately, we’re not very creative people and we we’re having trouble coming up with suggestions our own.
We did think of one idea for celebrating our one-year anniversary: Burn the Shalampax building down and collect the insurance. Everyone loves a good bonfire. And everyone loves collecting millions of dollars from faceless insurance companies too.
Unfortunately, some people pointed out a few problems with our celebration plans. First, our building isn’t insured. We don’t like giving money to outsiders if we don’t absolutely have to and we don’t have any insurance companies here. So there would not be any insurance money to collect.
Second, we wouldn’t have anywhere else to live if our building burned down. We have only the one building here and migration to anywhere else in the world is out of the question because of all of the international arrest warrants sworn out against most of us.
And third, the exterior walls of our building are rock; the interior walls are metal; and all of our furnishings are made of non-flammable materials. This was done specifically because the lack of any other living quarters mean that a fire would be ruinous even if everyone escaped. We couldn’t start a fire here even if we had a military-grade flame-thrower.
Consequently, a major conflagration to celebrate our anniversary is out of the question.
With our one good idea shot down, we’re left with no good ways to honor our upcoming one-year milestone. Do any of you have any suggestions?
You could still have a bonfire if you cut down all the palm trees, chopped them into pieces and stacked them in a heap.
On the other hand (I’m assuming here that each of you has at least two hands), a festive parade around the halls with everyone playing their favorite song on a musical instrument of their own choosing and ending in Ye Olde Third Floor Pub – that should provide a lot of fodder for future articles.
Or perhaps a competition with each floor fielding its own team of contestants. With each team selecting one song to play in the parade…or like who can drink the most and still depart the pub under their own power. Dwarf tossing competitions are always popular here – I suppose you could substitute midgets or annoying children if you are running short of dwarves.
@David: I don’t think we could go ahead with your palm tree bonfire suggestion because then we wouldn’t have any source for our sacred coconuts. And, we’ve probably already pissed off Paahlm, our Lord, by cutting down half the coconut trees to make way for our building. I hate to think of what Paahlm would do to us if we cut down and burned the rest of them.
Your other two ideas sound great, but do you have any other ideas that involve less effort?
In the Christian Bible, God celebrated the completion of creating the world with a day of rest. You might want to consider an official Anniversary Day of Rest to celebrate all the hard work that has gone into keeping “Shalampax Speaks” running over the past year.
@Patricia: That sounds like a fabulous idea, particularly because it involves the requisite lack of effort. However, the biblical day of rest is one day in every week. If we go for a year–52 weeks–without a day of rest, doesn’t that entitle us to 52 days of rest?
How about a sleeping contest – see who can sleep the longest without waking up…you could pit the sleeping pill users against the au naturale sleeping residents…although this might stack the deck in favor of members of parliament.
@David: I love it! I hope Manexposinghimself wins. If he doesn’t wake up he can’t force us to write this stupid blog.
I with David, a nap is definitely in order.
Have a great weekend!
@MadMadMargo: You’re with David? I hope you two are getting along.
I must say that MadMadMargo is quite the woman…stunning in fact. Hawt beyond words. OMG…I’m breathless.
@David: And, you two live in the same country, so you could probably walk over to her place.
I know that Shalampaxians seem to have a knowledge deficit regarding geography so I must let you know that since MadMadMargo has been visiting Marie in Cawlifornya, I’m about 3000 miles away and I don’t generally walk that far…not even for a beautiful woman with a nymphomanic mother.