Infinitiaty Soars
I am sublimely blissful in a totally spiritual sort of way.
Why? A number of people thought that Religco was being overly optimistic in its forecasts for the success of the re-launch of the Infinitiaty faith. However, it turns out that Religco grossly underestimated its profits from the religion.
It’s been less than two days since Religco announced the re-launch of the Church of Infinitiaty, the faith with an infinity of Gods, but the company’s revenue from the religion is already well ahead of where it was expected to be three months from now. Some religion-business analysts are saying Infinitiaty is going to be the biggest thing to hit the religion business since Jesus. (Although they try to avoid saying that in front of Christians because Christians are very protective of the Jesus brand.)
Why is this good? I already had some shares in Religco. Then, a couple of weeks ago, when I caught wind of what the company was up to, I bought another 100 shares. Religco shares are now trading at $798,143 (U.S.) each and the dividends are flowing at heavenly levels.
The upshot is that, at least on paper, I’m exceptionally rich. And that bitch Snotontable is very jealous of me. Now, that’s what I call a win-win situation. The best part is that both of the wins are for me, which is exactly how a win-win is supposed to work as far as I’m concerned.
May the blessing of all of the infinity of Gods continue to be on the Church of Infinitiaty and Religco — and, in particular, on its cash flow.
God 47 dammit. I should have bought in when I had the chance. Not only would I be worshiping many gods, but many almighty dollars too.
@nonamedufus: I believe that God 47 is on vacation, but don’t worry, He usually has damnations on automatic forwarding to God 46 while He’s away. She should be taking care of your damning shortly.
Does the Infinitiaty faith embrace smiting of enemies? I have some people that I would love to see suffer from a holy smiting. I would happily invest in this religico promotion if I can enjoy seeing a healthy smiting of mine enemies.
@David: Absolutely!!! What’s a religion without a lot of good, wholesome smiting of enemies? You should get God One’s approval for your smiting, but you can do this retroactively.