Shalampax Speaks

Hi peeps. A couple of weeks ago I told you that, because she had lost so much weight that she could no longer serve as a role model for the rest of us to look up to and feel good about our own obesity and lack of fitness, Tuboflard would lose her job as Chief Medical Officer. Well, my prediction came true. She’s unemployed.

This is a major problem for her because it turns out that, not only were morbid obesity and a sedentary lifestyle her only qualifications for the Chief Medical Officer job, but they were also her only qualifications, period. Tuboflard can’t find another job, but she has herself and her triplets to feed, clothe and house. Her future looked bleak.

Fortunately, a solution appeared in the nick of time.

Not quite a week ago, Snotontable told you about Spams R Us’ new division, which offers a fully automated, unstaffed, “customer support” call center that other companies can employ on an outsourced basis. That business is already soaring, but, much to the surprise of Bloodynose, CEO of Spams R Us, there are still one or two companies that think there is an advantage to having people who customers can talk to when they call for support.

This sort of thinking baffles Bloodynose because he is certain that having staff actually deal with customers who need support decreases the productivity of the customer-support function to a ridiculously low level. Nonetheless, he hates to give up any business, so he wants to meet these companies’ insistence on having humans answer some of the calls that come into the call center.

That’s where Tuboflard comes in. Her triplets are now just over one year old and they are not yet talking. This makes them the perfect candidates to handle the phones in the call center. Because they can’t yet talk, they won’t be able to waste any time actually dealing with customers’ ridiculous problems, yet they will fulfill some companies’ demands to have humans answer the phones.

Problem solved. Or, rather, two problems solved. Bloodynose gets his customer support staff, without incurring a drain on customer support productivity. And Tuboflard gets some income coming into her household. It’s not often that things work out so well here in Shalampax. It’s surprisingly pleasant when they do.

I don’t know what will happen when Tuboflard’s kids learn to talk, but, for now, it’s the perfect solution for all concerned. Except, that is, maybe the customers who call into the customer support call center. But who cares about them? Why are they bothering anyone with there petty little product problems in the first place?

That’s all for now. Catch you on the flipside, peeps.