The folks at Spams R Us, the largest spam company in Shalampax and possibly the world, are never satisfied with their success. Bloodynose, CEO of Spams R Us, recently announced that the company will be diversifying by launching a major new division, an inbound call center for companies that want to outsource their customer support functions.
Bloodynose claims that Spams R Us will be able to undercut any company offering the same outsourcing services, even companies operating in low-wage countries. He plans to do this using two ingenious innovations.
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Rottentomato, proprietor of Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, would like to tell his patrons about his daily specials. Unfortunately, he can’t do so because he is in a coma in the intensive care unit of the Shalampax Medical Center after making the mistake of eating in his own restaurant. Unaccustomed to consuming his own fare, he had not yet built up an immunity to it.
Do not despair. Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant has been in business for a long time. Rottentomato’s wife has set up an all-you-can eat buffet consisting of the leftovers that have been thrown into the back of the restaurant’s pantry and into slop pails over the years.
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Today is National Leave Your Kid at Home Day in Shalampax.
With school out, many parents have been bringing their kids to work, locking them in the supply closet, and then taking them home at night. Parents are doing this to save the cost of sending their kids to camp or hiring someone to police their kids during the day.
Shalampax childcare experts state that this is a very highly recommended parenting technique, but many employers say otherwise. It seems that, when they leave the supply closets, many kids are taking some of the office supplies with them. Actually, they’re stealing as much as they can carry. Some kids even bring wagons to cart their loot away.
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That’s it! I’m reading the Riot Act! I would have read it before, but we didn’t have a riot act, so I had to write one.
For the last three days in a row, reporters here at Shalampax Speaks have been writing about and linking to the Church of Infinitiaty. There was even a link to the church’s doctrine on Created Evolution.
These were plugs, plain and simple. There is no excuse for it. Clearly, vested interests were being served. This is completely unacceptable in the news and editorial pages of any respectable journal, whether online or print.
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The Shalampax School Board has unanimously passed a motion put forward by Religco to teach Created Evolution, the Church of Infinitiaty’s doctrine concerning the origin of species, in science classes in all grades of the Shalampax School.
Starting in the next school year, the curriculum will include the truth of Created Evolution alongside the theories of creationism, intelligent design and uncreated evolution.
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I am sublimely blissful in a totally spiritual sort of way.
Why? A number of people thought that Religco was being overly optimistic in its forecasts for the success of the re-launch of the Infinitiaty faith. However, it turns out that Religco grossly underestimated its profits from the religion.
It’s been less than two days since Religco announced the re-launch of the Church of Infinitiaty, the faith with an infinity of Gods, but the company’s revenue from the religion is already well ahead of where it was expected to be three months from now. Some religion-business analysts are saying Infinitiaty is going to be the biggest thing to hit the religion business since Jesus. (Although they try to avoid saying that in front of Christians because Christians are very protective of the Jesus brand.)
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